Football From The Eyes of an MLB Fan

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“As for me and my house, we serve the Lord and the Chicago Cubs….”

This past weekend on a whim, my husband and I decided to go to the NFL wild card game between the Houston Texans and the Indianapolis Colts. My football appreciation starts and ends with Super bowl Sunday. I’m there for the food, commercials and half time show. Because I am not a diehard Texan or Colt fan (even though I grew up in Indiana) I went to this game with no expectations other than a fun afternoon and a good fight between rivals. While we had a blast (we really did) I left the game with a lot of observations and a few questions for the NFL and Texan fans.

Observations:

  • Football spectators are way louder and more alert than baseball fans.

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  • The Texan announcer excitedly requested that the fans SHOUT out the last name of the starting lineup, citing it as tradition. If I knew there was going to be a quiz, I would have studied. (probably not)

 

  • If you are going to cheer for the visiting team, do so at your risk. Football fans tend to be built like the football players they cheer on. Say the wrong thing and a tackle could be in your future.

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  • It is harder for a novice to follow football in person than on TV. The yellow line of scrimmage (had to google what it was called) does not actually show up on the field. You have to find the guys on the sidelines with the sticks and connect the dots yourself. When I finally find out whats going on, I’m the only one cheering.

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  • Speaking of ‘harder to follow in person’, the flags on the field make a lot less sense if the TV commentators aren’t force feeding me the facts. I was left to my own devices to decide what the heck a “neutral zone infraction” was. Heads up, it’s not passing gas in the middle of a huddle. Although I imagine some deserve a 5-yard penalty for that.

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  • 15 minutes in life and 15 minutes at a football game are not the same. That being said, I grossly misjudged the length of time my bladder is able to hold liquids safely. Towards the start of the 4th quarter, I quickly realized I needed to use the restroom. “Only 15 minutes left, I can do this…” 45 minutes later I am begging my row to stand and let me out in the middle of a tense play.

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  • In relation to the above observation, don’t drink copious amounts of water unless your seat to aisle access ratio is less than 3. You haven’t lived until you’ve straddled 6 adults and 1 child while trying to get out of a crowded row doing the “I have to pee” dance.

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Questions:

Where did this guy buy his ticket, because I didn’t see the option for section 615 row M seat 16 with optional spa and facial package.

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What bet did this bride lose to not only have to go to a football game minutes after saying “I do” but to do so in the nosebleed section. Also, pretty sure they could have saved money with a caterer at the reception vs. the concession stand.

What is this guy’s game day routine look like? “I need to go to bed early tonight honey, I want to get up early and do my hair for the game in the morning.”

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Do the Cheerleaders ever fight over where they stand during the game. They divide them between the four corners of the field. You can’t tell me Suzy isn’t upset that her BFF Jill is on the opposite side with her enemy Jolene, and don’t get me started on Karen pretending to best buds with Macey.

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Are you still considered a band wagon fan when the closest thing to representing team gear is wearing a hoodie that says Indiana on it?

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 All jokes aside, congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts! We had a blast at this game which is surprising because I walk a fine line between introvert and high functioning agoraphobic. Ha. Tell me friends, what sporting events do you enjoy in person?