New Year’s Resolutions I Should Make, But Won’t…..

…..Because I know better

Well folks, it’s that time of the year where everyone likes to get serious, dig down deep into their soul and pick at their flaws like a teenager with pimples.  The good news for you is, I don’t do serious, reflective writing and am a firm believer that pimples should be popped in the comfort and privacy of one’s own home!

So, today we are going to discuss the resolutions I should make, but won’t because I know a losing battle when I see one.

  • Stop posting every thought that comes to my mind. Example: Not everyone wants to know that my dog, cat and husband kept me up snoring all night, and they certainly don’t need audio and visual proof.
  • Stop threating to make my husband sleep on the couch every time he drives slow in the left lane.
  • Stop forcing passengers in my car to listen to whatever song I am currently obsessed with on repeat for weeks on end.
  • Stop waiting to put gas in the car before the display screen replaces the speed with a picture of a gas pump and the words LOW FUEL.
  • Stop strategically planning what car my husband drives based off of fuel needs.
  • Stop kicking the ice that falls out of the ice maker under the fridge.
  • Stop negativaly judging people when they say the 2nd Willy Wonka is better than the 1st
  • Stop making fun of mesothelioma commercials
  • Stop reading the plots to movies ahead of time on IMDb
  • Stop judging people who defend Nickelback
  • Stop trying to trick my dogs into thinking that I stole their ears.
  • Stop watching the Sound of Music on repeat.
  • Stop passing gas and blaming it on the dogs or rogue indoor geese
  • Stop rolling my eyes when 20 something’s say words like “iconic” and “relatable”

So tell me readers, what is a New Year’s resolution you should make, but won’t because you know better.

 

See you in 2019!

A New Year…A Newish Me!

new years I mentioned in my last blog that I would come up with a list of my “resolutions” for the 2013 year and that is exactly what this weeks blog is going to cover. These resolutions, while they may seem silly, are genuine and are ones that I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about as we ushered in the new year hence why I am just now getting around to posting them 4 weeks in to the new year!

1. Jennifer, please learn to set your alarm more than just an hour beforealarm you have to be at work, and set an alarm on days that you have off as well!

Did you know that if you are awake for even just a few hours before you actually have to be at work (when working a closing shift) that you can not only have more time to get ready, iron your clothes, straighten your hair etc.. but you can actually do a load of laundry? further more..the dishwasher and vacuum..they both work before noon! Who would have ‘thunk’ it…;)

EmptyGasGauge 2. Jennifer, do not let your gas tank empty light come on.

While the rush of not knowing if your going to make it home or not is quite addicting, I imagine over time the over all effects of my car rolling in on fumes will be less entertaining when im spending hundreds of dollars that I don’t have to fix a machine that I rely on daily.

3. Jennifer, stop trying to figure out gifts/Christmas presents before youpeeking get them.

My husband after 5 years with me knows that I am terrible at this. I will exhaust every effort in order to know what present I am getting whether it is for my anniversary, birthday or Christmas. The sad part is since I was little I’ve almost always known what items awaited me. I can recall as a young child sneaking in the living room to where my mom kept her car keys, and making my way out to the trunk of our brown Chevy celebrity  and peeking in to the bags to see what “santa” had brought me! I’ve been known to check we browser histories, emails and bank statements until the secrets are revealed. Terrible to admit but sadly true! What’s worse is I tell Matt all the time that I want him to surprise me all the time..but yet I make it so hard for him. Poor thing..he had no idea what he was getting himself into 😉

 laundrysort4. Jennifer, Don’t just make piles but organize.

Try putting your clothes in the right sorting bin when you take them off rather than just throwing them on the floor, or just putting them in any ol’ bin i feel like. (This also means not throwing them in the bathtub to sit until you take a shower.)

5. Jennifer, do something different with your hair at least two times a week and take more pride in my appearance!cuthair

I’ve never been a girly girl. Never learned to French braid, heck, I barely learned to do a normal braid. I was that girl that owned one Barbie. Gymnast Barbie, not the electric one, but the early 90’s barbie that you used your imagination with to make her do her flips and turns. She was beautiful for the first month or two. Then she became ‘I don’t care barbie’. She became late for work, often was missing her clothes and when she did have them on they were miss matched. She had a lot of float time in the bath tub, her hair was matted, that is until some 9 year old with her moms scissors got a hold of her beautiful blonde locks and cut them all off. This should have been a sign right of the bat. Maybe if I had been one of those girls who practice braiding their dolls hair to perfection I may have carried that over to my own head. Not so much!

 pen caps6. Jennifer, stop chewing..on everything!

This resolution includes but is not limited to the following. Hoodie cords, finger nails, pen tops, water bottle lids, straws, I tried a Google search for a term for a person who has to chew on things most of the time and a solution for such a problem. Most of the web responses and forums i found were for golden retrievers and other mis-behaving pets, and while I am not a canine, I have decided just the same that I should probably give up my chewing ways.

7. Jennifer, when you are done with a roll of toilet paper, replace the toilet-paper-rollold  cardboard with one that has a brand new roll of white fluffy toilet paper attached to it!

(again a novel concept) This is where my behaviors scarily mirror that of a college frat boy and I become truly ashamed! (thank goodness I don’t have to make the conscience decision to put the seat up and down lol)

greys-anatomy-mcdreamy 8. Jennifer, realize that Dr.s are your friend, not the enemy!

I have no problems taking my cats to the vet once a week until they are all better, but you have a better chance of all 4 of The Beatles going on a reunion tour than you do have of getting me into the Dr.s office. I can do the dentist and Eye Dr. but that is it. Maybe I should feel blessed that nothing has seriously effected my health to date, but that is not always going to be the case and the older I get it probably does not hurt to be more proactive and preventative then reactive and waiting till its too late

9.) Jennifer, for the love of God, you are 25 years old and have a commas Bachelors degree, learn where a comma goes in a sentence once and for all!

If you have been reading my blog from the beginning you probably already know that comma placement is a common theme I bring up when talking about my poor grammar skills. I owe it to every teacher that received many a grey hair from teaching me for 12 years to learn this basic skill once and for all.

Please_Put_Things_Back 10. Jennifer, put things back where you got them after you use them.

Its truly a novel concept, one that I should probably have learned in kindergarten, but we all see how well that comma thing worked out, did you really expect that to be the only lesson that has taken me twice as long that the average person to learn?

11. Jennifer, please limit food,cat and other random instagram photosinstagram posted to facebook to half of your current usage.

It is no secret that I like instagram like everyone else out there, but do you all really need to see the picture of my coffee at work in “sierra” tone and a picture of an empty toilet paper roll at home in “earlybird” hue? Probably not! These are not the most moving pictures to be posted and if they happened to be omitted from social media it would probably not be the end of the world.

excuses-excuses-850 12. Jennifer, stop making quite as many excuses.

I’m a difficult person, I will be the first and definitely not that last person to admit it. One of my most unattractive people qualities is my inability to admit blame or defeat. “Jennifer, you only sold 10 of your required 50 tablets last month” Me: “But I had that headache that one day, and and and someone took my clipboard and and and, my socks didn’t match today and and and I could not find my lucky pen, ……”  Accept constructive criticism and move on, not everyone is out to see your failure!

13. Jennifer, remind your husband daily how much he means to you!matandjen

And remind yourself how different your life would be if he was not at your side. God has blessed you, don’t let yourself take that blessing for granted.

 supersize

14. Jennifer, when the

drive through attendant

asks you if you want to

supersize that order,

JUST SAY NO!

 15. Jennifer, make sure you have the right phone number before you go texting friends a silly text message!

Just today a co-worker and I made the terrible decision to send a series of funny texts to who we thought was a co-worker, only to find that we were off by one number and now texting some random man pictures of our cats in their new bow ties. Needless to say the shock and embaressment could have been avoided if we would have checked the full phone number one more time before sending the text 🙂IMG_1684[1]IMG_1683[1]

16. Jennifer, try not to beat myself up so much on the child/kid/Young Adult you used to be, but use those experiences to make your present and future self a better person.

One of the biggest problems I struggle with as a 25 year old is reflecting back on the way I acted as a child and mentally beating myself up for it. Many times I think “what i wouldn’t give to go back and change it all..” I would have liked to have been the one who got mostly A’s and B’s starting in 1st grade (not waiting until my junior year of high school). What would it have been like if I was the the child who did everything they were asked of at home versus making the other sibling or worse mom do it after I complained/lied/threw a fit. Did I ever tell so and so how much I truly appreciated when they did this for me that one time? Did I ever apologize to so and so when I did whatever it was that I did? Why does it take me sooo long to learn lessons? Almost all of these resolutions are ideas I should ALREADY be practicing as a 25 year old and not just committing to for the first time. I guess they say better late then never, right?