What Do You Mean There is No Internet For A Week?

This is the story of one girls heroic tale of a week without Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, how she survived, and her efforts to educate those who may find themselves in similar situations…

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I boarded the Carnival Magic with a kick in my step and a smile on my face, excited for what the week had to offer me, and then it hit me. No Facebook. No Instagram. No twitter. I was prepared for fun, sun, formal nights and long nights, but I was not prepared for this…

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Day 1:

Dear Diary,
Today I spent the better part of the afternoon writing and leaving notes all over my cabin for our steward to read. Appropriately so, I left room for him to comment below, circle like, if he found the note to be funny and worthy and an extra copy attached for him to take with him just in case he felt the need to share my thoughts with others. I race back to the room hourly for any new notifications. Fingers crossed for any written communication. As of now, he still only communicates verbally when our paths cross. Rude.

Day 2:

Dear Diary,
I keep clicking the Facebook button on my phone out of habit; scrolling down to load more, but sadly I see the same 7 Facebook status’s all day, every day. Thank you to Roberta H, Liz S, Debbie B, Erik A, Brianna c, Shelly P for your words that have given me soo much strength to survive these last 7 days. I only wish I had realized that my last status was it for 7 whole days. I would have said more, stalked more, given the people more of what they want…cat pictures. We never truly know what we have until we have lost it

Day 3:

Dear Diary,
Today I contemplated training one of the local birds we came across on Jamaica, to carry notes of funny status updates and beach puns back home to Facebook and twitter. but alas, I could not train the bird to “tweet” my messages in 140 characters or less. Back to the drawing board.

Day 4:

Dear Diary,
Last night I hit a low point as my husband awoke concerned that I was not laying next to him in bed, only to find me huddled in the corner with my cell phone rocking back and fourth murmuring #hashtag I can’t take this anymore…..I fear I won’t survive, my spirits are running low. Please tell my cats I love them..and should have never left their side.

Day 5:

Dear Diary,
Slight paralysis when eating as I’m not quite sure how to taste my food if it is not first captured in a Valencia filter and followed with the hashtags #yummyinmytummy #beefitswhatfordinner #nomnomnom #icanhazcheezeburger. In an effort to quench this insatiable “thirst” I have begun eating all the food available to me. My method is start on deck 10 and work my way down the elevator eating my way off this ship. I suspect others suffer from the same disorder, as I see the same people in line at every stop everyday. None of us seem to be full. When will this madness end.IMG_2364IMG_2423IMG_2365

Day 6:

Dear Diary,
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Furthermore, if you go swimming with a stingray, and u don’t post pictures of it immediately on line for all to see, did it really happen?

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Day 7:

Dear Diary,
I really miss my cats. In an effort to cope, I’ve begun naming/talking to the towel animals. I tell them of our adventures in port that day and they, like all towel animals should, listen to my stories before settling down for snuggling with me for nap time. …later that day… Dear Diary, Hello again, I know I already wrote today, but something particularly distressing has happened that i feels needs documentation. My phone battery has not died in three days, I don’t know what’s wrong with it. First thing I will do if I survive this week is to take it to the apple store. It’s a good thing I bought apple care. :(

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If My Cats Had Instagram….

It is no secret that I am a huge user of instagram. I live under the principal that it didn’t really happen and it must not have tasted good if it was not documented on instagram. With that being said, two of the biggest stars featured daily are my two cats, Rowdy and Mosby.

The following is the world of Instagram through the eye’s of two precocious cats

(if you want to follow their new instagram @therealhousepetsoftexas)

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A New Year…A Newish Me!

new years I mentioned in my last blog that I would come up with a list of my “resolutions” for the 2013 year and that is exactly what this weeks blog is going to cover. These resolutions, while they may seem silly, are genuine and are ones that I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about as we ushered in the new year hence why I am just now getting around to posting them 4 weeks in to the new year!

1. Jennifer, please learn to set your alarm more than just an hour beforealarm you have to be at work, and set an alarm on days that you have off as well!

Did you know that if you are awake for even just a few hours before you actually have to be at work (when working a closing shift) that you can not only have more time to get ready, iron your clothes, straighten your hair etc.. but you can actually do a load of laundry? further more..the dishwasher and vacuum..they both work before noon! Who would have ‘thunk’ it…;)

EmptyGasGauge 2. Jennifer, do not let your gas tank empty light come on.

While the rush of not knowing if your going to make it home or not is quite addicting, I imagine over time the over all effects of my car rolling in on fumes will be less entertaining when im spending hundreds of dollars that I don’t have to fix a machine that I rely on daily.

3. Jennifer, stop trying to figure out gifts/Christmas presents before youpeeking get them.

My husband after 5 years with me knows that I am terrible at this. I will exhaust every effort in order to know what present I am getting whether it is for my anniversary, birthday or Christmas. The sad part is since I was little I’ve almost always known what items awaited me. I can recall as a young child sneaking in the living room to where my mom kept her car keys, and making my way out to the trunk of our brown Chevy celebrity  and peeking in to the bags to see what “santa” had brought me! I’ve been known to check we browser histories, emails and bank statements until the secrets are revealed. Terrible to admit but sadly true! What’s worse is I tell Matt all the time that I want him to surprise me all the time..but yet I make it so hard for him. Poor thing..he had no idea what he was getting himself into 😉

 laundrysort4. Jennifer, Don’t just make piles but organize.

Try putting your clothes in the right sorting bin when you take them off rather than just throwing them on the floor, or just putting them in any ol’ bin i feel like. (This also means not throwing them in the bathtub to sit until you take a shower.)

5. Jennifer, do something different with your hair at least two times a week and take more pride in my appearance!cuthair

I’ve never been a girly girl. Never learned to French braid, heck, I barely learned to do a normal braid. I was that girl that owned one Barbie. Gymnast Barbie, not the electric one, but the early 90’s barbie that you used your imagination with to make her do her flips and turns. She was beautiful for the first month or two. Then she became ‘I don’t care barbie’. She became late for work, often was missing her clothes and when she did have them on they were miss matched. She had a lot of float time in the bath tub, her hair was matted, that is until some 9 year old with her moms scissors got a hold of her beautiful blonde locks and cut them all off. This should have been a sign right of the bat. Maybe if I had been one of those girls who practice braiding their dolls hair to perfection I may have carried that over to my own head. Not so much!

 pen caps6. Jennifer, stop chewing..on everything!

This resolution includes but is not limited to the following. Hoodie cords, finger nails, pen tops, water bottle lids, straws, I tried a Google search for a term for a person who has to chew on things most of the time and a solution for such a problem. Most of the web responses and forums i found were for golden retrievers and other mis-behaving pets, and while I am not a canine, I have decided just the same that I should probably give up my chewing ways.

7. Jennifer, when you are done with a roll of toilet paper, replace the toilet-paper-rollold  cardboard with one that has a brand new roll of white fluffy toilet paper attached to it!

(again a novel concept) This is where my behaviors scarily mirror that of a college frat boy and I become truly ashamed! (thank goodness I don’t have to make the conscience decision to put the seat up and down lol)

greys-anatomy-mcdreamy 8. Jennifer, realize that Dr.s are your friend, not the enemy!

I have no problems taking my cats to the vet once a week until they are all better, but you have a better chance of all 4 of The Beatles going on a reunion tour than you do have of getting me into the Dr.s office. I can do the dentist and Eye Dr. but that is it. Maybe I should feel blessed that nothing has seriously effected my health to date, but that is not always going to be the case and the older I get it probably does not hurt to be more proactive and preventative then reactive and waiting till its too late

9.) Jennifer, for the love of God, you are 25 years old and have a commas Bachelors degree, learn where a comma goes in a sentence once and for all!

If you have been reading my blog from the beginning you probably already know that comma placement is a common theme I bring up when talking about my poor grammar skills. I owe it to every teacher that received many a grey hair from teaching me for 12 years to learn this basic skill once and for all.

Please_Put_Things_Back 10. Jennifer, put things back where you got them after you use them.

Its truly a novel concept, one that I should probably have learned in kindergarten, but we all see how well that comma thing worked out, did you really expect that to be the only lesson that has taken me twice as long that the average person to learn?

11. Jennifer, please limit food,cat and other random instagram photosinstagram posted to facebook to half of your current usage.

It is no secret that I like instagram like everyone else out there, but do you all really need to see the picture of my coffee at work in “sierra” tone and a picture of an empty toilet paper roll at home in “earlybird” hue? Probably not! These are not the most moving pictures to be posted and if they happened to be omitted from social media it would probably not be the end of the world.

excuses-excuses-850 12. Jennifer, stop making quite as many excuses.

I’m a difficult person, I will be the first and definitely not that last person to admit it. One of my most unattractive people qualities is my inability to admit blame or defeat. “Jennifer, you only sold 10 of your required 50 tablets last month” Me: “But I had that headache that one day, and and and someone took my clipboard and and and, my socks didn’t match today and and and I could not find my lucky pen, ……”  Accept constructive criticism and move on, not everyone is out to see your failure!

13. Jennifer, remind your husband daily how much he means to you!matandjen

And remind yourself how different your life would be if he was not at your side. God has blessed you, don’t let yourself take that blessing for granted.

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14. Jennifer, when the

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asks you if you want to

supersize that order,

JUST SAY NO!

 15. Jennifer, make sure you have the right phone number before you go texting friends a silly text message!

Just today a co-worker and I made the terrible decision to send a series of funny texts to who we thought was a co-worker, only to find that we were off by one number and now texting some random man pictures of our cats in their new bow ties. Needless to say the shock and embaressment could have been avoided if we would have checked the full phone number one more time before sending the text 🙂IMG_1684[1]IMG_1683[1]

16. Jennifer, try not to beat myself up so much on the child/kid/Young Adult you used to be, but use those experiences to make your present and future self a better person.

One of the biggest problems I struggle with as a 25 year old is reflecting back on the way I acted as a child and mentally beating myself up for it. Many times I think “what i wouldn’t give to go back and change it all..” I would have liked to have been the one who got mostly A’s and B’s starting in 1st grade (not waiting until my junior year of high school). What would it have been like if I was the the child who did everything they were asked of at home versus making the other sibling or worse mom do it after I complained/lied/threw a fit. Did I ever tell so and so how much I truly appreciated when they did this for me that one time? Did I ever apologize to so and so when I did whatever it was that I did? Why does it take me sooo long to learn lessons? Almost all of these resolutions are ideas I should ALREADY be practicing as a 25 year old and not just committing to for the first time. I guess they say better late then never, right?