A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two…In The Dryer….

What better way to return from a blogging hiatus (sorry guys)  than with a touching tale of a woman, her two cats, and un-wanted house guest residing in her dryer. Let me start from the beginning

I was told when we first bought our home, that part of the ‘fun’ of owning your own place was being King Queen of the castle and getting to make your own decisions. For instance, If I want a hot pink wall in the laundry room, than hot pink it shall be. (I promise I do not really have a hot pink wall)

What they did not tell me was that with a new house, comes the opportunity to explore different career paths. For instance..

General Contractor/Repair Man.  Lets say you make your husband move the furniture around just one last time because you are just positive that table will look better just a smidge to the left, and he ‘accidently’ knocks a hole in the wall, you get to repair it..not a landlord. 

Plumber: in this instance, you find yourself in an unseasonably cold Texas winter, and while you are used to cold winters and pipes freezing in Indiana, your Texas house…and its brand new sprinkler system is not, and you find yourself outside at 10pm with a hair dryer, old new towels and duct tape hoping to thaw them before they explode.

Lastly….

 Animal control: This time, your comfortably asleep in your bed, its your day off and you have no plans other than to be lazy. Suddenly, as if you are a character in the children’s book “The Night Before Christmas” a loud noise comes from the other end of the house. Thinking its the cats fighting, you threaten them with the water bottle, again, and go back to sleep. Order seems restored, until it happens again. This time, you get a little more aggressive with the yelling and fire a warning water shot in the general direction of the noise and again, go back to sleep. It is then you realize that one of the cats has burrowed himself into the blankets, presumably out of fear. Now, slightly freaked out because you know the cats cant be the source of the noise, you get out of bed, change your clothes (because your high school gym shorts and spaghetti strap shirt are not proper attire when you have an un-wanted house guest..) grab your phone and head to the origination of the noise.

A Strange Sound Comes From The Dryer

 

Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes a 26 year old woman feel like a 5 year old girl faster than a weird noise coming from a what should be silent dryer. You better believe I was hysterically calling/begging/demanding my husband to come home from work and rescue me from certain death.

To kill time and to make sure there was a witness to my death just in case Matthew did not make it home in time, I face timed my mom.

A single mother with two strong willed kids, my mom is, of course, trained and experienced in hostage situations, and was able to comfort scare me, until my animal control specialist arrived home.

30 minutes, a pile of clean/dry socks and an extended grabber later, Matthew and I were now the proud owners of a tiny brown sparrow who thought it would be cute to slide down our dryer vent. She, however, did not stay long. Like a white dove being released at a wedding..this sparrow had better plans that did not involve being fluffed and folded.

 

 

 

a noisesnakeoutside

Blair witch All gone

 

 

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La La La La La..Living the Apartment Life

I swore up and down after my college years I would never again dwell in a house that shared walls, floors and ceilings with other people and after a wonderful year and a half living in a house we had fallen in love with, we are right back to square one. An apartment. Sigh.  The next is a list of items that remind me daily of how much I miss having a house..enjoy.

As I recall it Snow White was awoken to the beautiful animals of the Forrest singing in a heavenly tune. Similarly, I have often awoken to the sounds of saw blades as the construction crew works on the apartments outside. Many A time I’ve been greeted with the sweet sound vocals of Amedeo estevan (one of the workers who introduced himself to me last week) singing loudly outside my door. Amedeo, if I do say so myself, has a lovely voice!

Living on the second floor apartment is like having box seats at the opera. If you pick you location just right, your new home could be center stage of a real life soap opera. For instance, our neighbors across the way have been fighting this past week (we are talking clothes flying, doors slamming, dogs barking)..this is where the Adirondack chairs on the balcony come in to play. They sit low enough where the people fighting can’t see me, but I can clearly see them. Apartment Dweller Tip: Warning, while your may be hidden by railing of the porch, they WILL able to smell the popcorn you just popped just for this event. Next thing you know you’ve been court ordered to appear before a jury on your neighbors behalf.  and lets face it..‘ain’t nobody got time for that’

In conjunction with the last point, it is a given that the chances increase of your statistical probability of being on or seeing an episodes of cops filmed live in front of you..Apartment dweller tip:always look ur best! Never know when the cameras will be rolling! 🙂

Having no bike racks and living on the second floor means Athletically challenged people with 2 bikes..don’t ever ride bikes..true story.

Apartment dweller tip: Potted flowers are an essential piece to separating your stylish balcony from another’s ..that is unless you are me and living “non human” objects require far more of a commitment than you are able to commit to right now, in which case those are an eye sore…and you will fit right in Winking smile 

Evolution of Jennifers Laundry….The largest item on my list that reminds me of how much I miss living in a house is the process of doing laundry. I hate laundry..I miss being little..all I had to do was put the dirty laundry in the hamper and just like dry cleaning pick them up when done..fluffed and folded! I had a sweet ride on the laundry train for close to 17 years until college, college was the end of the end. I now present to you the evolution of Jennifer’s laundry.

It was my senior year of college and it was also my first Year of Marriage (we got married two weeks after graduation) All four years of college were nothing more that thwarted attempts of dragging a weeks worth of laundry to my moms house. It wasn’t until my last roommate before my husband did we have the chance of doing laundry in the same building and floor that we lived on. This lasted for 2 glorious semesters and then it was over just like that. Once I got married, I inherited twice the loads of laundry and to top it all off, our first apartment had no washer and dryer. 2 wedding rings and and an I do later and BAM we became a happily married nomadic laundry tribe. Wondering to and fro, doing our laundry where ever we could. “Of course we would love to come over and have dinner with you guys..should I bring a desert, also..do you mind if we borrow your washer and dryer?”

Luckily for us 3 months in to wedded bliss our lease was up in our ‘laundryless’ apartment and we were moving up in the world..for the first time ever as a married couple we had a washer a dryer in the same house and on the same level!!!!! It was the laundry honeymoon I have always wanted! No more hauling baskets and detergent to other houses and alienating our family friends! It was just us and our laundry!!

But the laundry honeymoon didn’t last forever..a new job opportunity meant a new house..and a new house means another round of laundry roulette "step right  up folks. Place your bets and take your chances in whirlpool wheel of death!" granted at this point in the game I was genuinely happy to have a nice house in a safe neighbor hood..pet friendly and as long as the washer and dryer wasn’t adjacent to the outhouse in the back yard..we were good! This time around the washer and dryer were in the basement..and while that is was a step back from the "honeymoon days" this round had a delightful And rather intriguing surprise; a laundry chute!

The Chute: Now any kid product of the late 80s should always associate a laundry chute with one memory and that is Kevin from Home Alone shooting toy soldiers with his brothers bb gun..it was cool then, and yes my friends it’s cool now! Not only was is the chute a magical portal of commutation to nag at my husband or meow at my cat from another floor..but it also served as the epic of all epic hiding places. You know, that one hiding place that you have planned out ahead in your mind for any environment you frequent..work,home,the gym (well,maybe not the gym for me) but those places you spend the most time. it is in these places that I have a hiding place planned out if anyone ever tried to break in/rob or if an impromptu hide and seek match erupted, I would be safe and golden! In my new house..the laundry chute was that place! I had already decided based on estimated measurements and actual attempts (I was bored) that I could fit myself and one cat (the quietest cat preferably) successfully in the laundry chute without being detected..the other cat would need to fend for himself..life’s rough..

Present Day….let me catch you up. Matthew and I have been in the great state of Texas going on 10 months..and this nomadic laundry tribe is still alive and kicking with possibly the worst of all laundry experiences…we are back to apartment life and this time while the apartment itself is nicer, the second story trek that involves me leaving the building, going down 2 flights of stairs (then back up them later) walking around the back to the next building and doing laundry in a room that equals that of a low level frat house..is less than ideal. If you’ve read this far you are probably thinking 1 of 2 things..either "grow up..it’s laundry..your an adult..stop complaining" or your asking yourself "Oh goodness Jennifer, how have you lasted this long you" well those of you asking the first question..I agree and the first step is admitting you have a problem and this post serves as your official notice! For those who are asking the second..I would say to you..”I KNOW RIGHT!” Thanks for the back up 🙂

So what’s it all about?! This post serves as another notice..a notice of gratitude and thanks to my husband..for the last 4 years the man has heard me whine and complain and has seen me wear and re-wear clothes until the point of no return and what has he done? EVERYTHING! 🙂 I often hear other girls talk about their husbands and how they never pick up, never do dishes and don’t even know how to do laundry..that is not the case in this house hold..my husband does laundry every Sunday while I’m at work..measuring just the right amount of softener..detergent..separating colors..drying the items that need dried and hanging up the items that can’t go in the dryer..that’s right ladies..he hangs up my bras!! ( my " I trained my husband the hang up bras..and you can too!" book is due out next fall) he does not complain..he does not try to get out of it..he does this because he loves me (and values my sanity Smile)..and does not see the benefit of turning underwear inside out for a day two reprise Smile I love my husband..I love that helps with everything..and I love most of all that he puts up with me and my ‘not soo June cleaver ways!