Halloween Costumes For the Pratical Adult

Well ladies and gentlemen, we did it. Another All-Hallows Eve is upon us. What, if at all, do I dress up as this year? In my research for Halloween greatness I have found there to be several categories for casual dress up and yet I seem to fit in none of them (story of my life). Let us explore these unwanted categories together, shall we.

Category 1: Family friendly dress up

Kids make dressing up on Halloween socially accepted and more fun when you are an adult. But, unless you can find a way to get my 24 lb. cat with a mood disorder (isn’t that all cats though?) to stay in a monkey costume for longer than 5 seconds, this category doesn’t apply to me sadly.

Category 2: Night of The Living Inappropriate

Dead sexy or I guess ‘sexy dead’ seems to be the go-to theme for Halloween parties in your 20/30s. Sexy dead nurse, sexy dead nun, sexy dead road kill, wait what?! I’m past my 20’s and last time I checked, a beat-up ground hog wearing a bikini with bronzer and highlighter wasn’t my idea of a good time.  (For the record I never visited this costume phase. I Did not pass go and did not collect 200$).

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Category 3: Couple or Group Costume

Salt & pepper, bacon & eggs, and Barbie and Ken. The more the merrier right? Wrong. This was the category for me until I remembered that all my friends live 1000 miles away and the chances of getting my husband to dress up as Barbie while I steal the show as Ken, is slim to none.

So where does this leave me? None of the above-mentioned costumes or themes speak to me. I must take matters into my own hands and create a whole new category;

Category 4: Just trying to survive life

In this category, we will explore in more depth the parts of life that are truly horrifying but don’t get enough ‘street cred’ in the costume department.

  1. Dress up as your favorite expensive bra (because this stuff only happens to the expensive ones), but instead of an “even horizon”, one side is drooping, and the other side is now stabbing you with a wire that was once your supportive friend. Bump up the scary factor a few notches by snapping off two of the four hooks and twisting  the strap around five times.
  2. Dress up as your esophagus after making the dumb decision of eating pizza after 8 p.m. For an added bonus, hold up an empty bottle of tums and a clock that says 4 a.m.
  3. Dress up as a tube of toothpaste that has been manhandled by a family of 5. There is still plenty of toothpaste left, but due to the unorganized pattern of which it was squeezed, it has been rendered useless. Extra scary points if you can lose the cap and add a stray beard hair…or 3.
  4. Dress up as the mysterious red blinking LED light that is always invisible during the day when you can do something about it, but at night when you are trying to sleep and don’t have a sledge hammer handy, becomes a beacon of hope for wayward gnats and moths everywhere. Add a high pitch hum or whirring sound to elevate this look to a whole new level.
  5. Dress up as a questionably sticky surface. Did a cat throw up here? Did a toddler just recklessly eat cotton candy? Perhaps a family of 12 just had pancakes. The point is, we don’t know why it’s sticky, and worse yet, there isn’t a clean towel or drop of water to be found anywhere. Insert cold shudder and sour face here.

There you have it folks, five scary costume ideas for the practical adult. Let me know below what you are dressing up as, unless it’s a sexy dead ground hog, I don’t have time for that here.

Non-Writer/Writers Block

Several people have asked where I have been hiding this past few months. No blogs, no videos, I have vanished once again into thin air without explanation. I do have a reason, a shotty one to be honest. A perfect trifecta of incidents has combined to cause my absence. One-part travel, one-part motivation (or lack there-of) and one-part writers block. Well, non-writer-writers block. I am not completely convinced that jotting down every weird thought or scenario that comes into my head makes me “writer” just yet.

To be truthful, my truancy hadn’t bothered me much until my sister in law, Tifany, grilled me about my poor writing attendance in the middle of Barnes and Noble on a cold and rainy Thursday afternoon. I made a vague excuse about not having time and that I was just waiting for life to return to normal. I was partly hopeful but partly lying. To be honest, I am not sure what normal in my life looks like right now. If you assembled normal and other seasons of life in a line up, I would not be able to positively ID it.

My sister in law didn’t buy my excuse and well, neither did I. When they left to go back home to Indiana a few days later, she insisted that I write something soon or she would ground me.

Since no one at the age of 30 should be grounded, I decided to take action. With my travels for the year over (unless any of you readers want to send me on a cruise) and my new-found motivation pushing me forward, I have no other excuses than to tackle that pesky “writers block” excuse once and for all. #letsdothis

Here we are. Day 3 staring at this screen with nothing. I just keep glaring at this blinking curser. I wouldn’t say it’s mocking me just yet, but there have been a few times where I swear it just disappears to check and see if I’m still paying attention. I am, but barely. I have started, stopped and erased at least 4 different blog posts in the last 3 days. Is it still considered non-writers-writers block when 90% of the words you type are grammatically incorrect anyways? My theory has always been, you can make up for poor grammar as long as you make the reader laugh. It’s not like they will have time to whip out their red ink pen and fill up the margins with corrections if they are too busy wiping their tears and catching their breath from laughter, right?  Right!

So, what should I do when I don’t have a funny commentary to offer but still have a writing itch to scratch and a wonderful sister in law to appease? I guess just write something and hope you, the reader, see past the imperfections and stick around. I have nothing to bribe you with other than the promise that one day the funny will return and we will all once again rejoice as we “roll on the floor laughing” or whatever phrase the cool kids are using these days.

So that’s the plan. We are going to take this one day at a time. Some days will be funnier than others and some will be more grammatically coherent than others. The important thing is we will get through this together, mmkay!

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Today on Dr. Phil: Sibling Rivalry after 30..

Ten days, well, a year and ten days if you want to be specific. That’s what separates my brother and I, at least in terms of age. We technically missed the term of “Irish twins” by two hands worth of fingers, which is ok, because we aren’t really twins in any other category either.

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William, my brother, is the older, wiser sibling. Not that it was a competition or anything, (I think both parties need to be aware of the race for it to count) but he was always 1 step ahead of me in every category. If you are not already singing, “anything you can do, I can do better” in your head than you should be.

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William is taller than me, skinnier than me, had an honors diploma in high school, went to a “Big 10 College” (mine was more like a Big 10 sometimes college) and for the love of everything Holy, he always knew how to hook up my TV, DVD player and VCR up in a way that allowed them all to work properly. I still don’t know how to do that one.

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What are my “I can do anything better than you” moments you ask? Well, I learned our home phone number and address before him and made sure his preschool teacher Miss Anita knew about it. I can recite on command (although it’s a talent that is almost never requested) any theme song or useless commercial jingle from memory, and I did not hijack and wreck our Mom’s rider lawn mower in a “drive your tractor to school day” stunt in high school.

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We were not bad kids by any means. In fact, if you measure and rate the overall behavior of siblings by the number of times the police or fire departments were called, we were perfect angels. We did, however, have our fair share of fights and arguments that either ended with one person (William) locked in a bedroom, or a 3 way scream match via the phone to my mom’s office.

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These post school phone calls were conducted like a trial by jury. William and I would race off the bus, pick up a phone and dial our mom who would be expecting us. We did this so many times that even now, 20 years later, I still know her office number by heart. (765-569-3156 if you are wondering) We would each plead our case over her speaker phone as to why the other was in the wrong and my mom’s co-workers, all standing around her desk, would chuckle and tell us to leave each other alone and go to our room until the referee (mom) got home.

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Sometimes this would work but since I was built more like a lineman for the Chicago Bears and he was built more like the president of the chess club, I could pick a fight and usually secure a victory. Thanks again not only to my football physique but also to an incorrectly installed door knob that allowed me to lock his door from the outside. Although, William might have been on to something there. Why stay out in the living room and fight an annoying little sister when you can just “let” her win, and let her lock you in the room and finally gain the peace and quiet you longed for to begin with. Dang it.

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Anyways, I digress. William also flew the coop way before me as well. Now, I understand that this was bound to happen because he is in fact older than me, but it was like he flipped a switch over night and was suddenly an adult.  He got a “real” cell phone (none of that prepaid stuff) in 11th grade, which was rare back in the day, he bought his own car and car insurance years and I do mean years, before me and he even joined the Army National Guard so he could pay for college without any help from our mom. While I did pay for my college degree, my mom did buy me my first car my sophomore year of college and kept me on her car insurance until I got married. (Thank you mommy).

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So, what is this all about? While I admit that this does sound like an application to be on a dysfunctional episode of Dr. Phil, it is in reality, a poorly written letter of gratitude to my brother who is celebrating is 32nd birthday today. Even though it seems that I have painted a jealousy tinted portrait of sibling rivalry, I have more or less outlined all the ways William has pushed me to be a better version of myself and while sometimes I have fallen short of his bench mark, it is the race, imaginary or not, that keeps me going!

The phone calls we share today are no longer mini episodes of “The People’s Court” but more like two friends catching up at the end, or at the beginning, of a busy week. We tell jokes that makes the other laugh, give tv show recommendations, brag or complain about our pets and vent about the current stresses in our life.

I’m not sure when the switch was flipped, and we went from being siblings to friends, I’m just glad that it happened because I honestly don’t have the energy to lock you in your room any more. Enjoy your birthday and the next 10 days of being “2ish” years older than me!

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Cinema {ish} With Jennifer: Pulp Fiction

AFI # 94 Pulp Fiction (1994)

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I will begin each review with a “What I know, or What I Think I Know…” intro. These intros were all compiled before I set out on this journey, and can be read in their entirety (HERE).

The Review

Several stories being told at once, but all connected somehow. Samuel L. Jackson is a hit man who carries around a briefcase for his boss and is angered easily. John Travolta, also a hitman falls for his boss’s girl, they dance in a retro diner and in her living room. Girl overdoses on drugs that where not hers, but why not, and is violently revived. Weirdness ensues during the whole movie.

Remember the good old days when I got to watch movies like Toy Story and Yankee Doodle Dandy? Yeah, me neither. At least with this movie, I had already seen it and knew what I had in store. Although, knowing what was coming didn’t make it any easier to watch.

Being that this is my second time through watching this movie (which I still don’t feel old enough to watch, btw) there are two questions I still have.

1. Whats in the brief case?! Is it revealed in the plot and I miss it? I took to google because…google knows everything and it appears that I am not the only one who has ever wondered this. Further proof that there are no original thoughts. The leading theories are Mr. Wallace’s Soul, Diamonds and some type or radioactive material.

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2. Why do bad things always happen when Vincent (John Travolta) goes to the restroom? The end of the movie, Vincent goes to the restroom decides to read a book and the diner they are eating at gets robbed, The middle of the movie (its told out-of-order) Vincent comes out of the restroom only to be shot dead by Bruce Willis, and at the beginning of the movie, he excuses himself to the bathroom in an effort to talk himself out of getting into trouble with his bosses wife. He comes out of the bathroom to find that she has almost overdosed on some of his drugs.

I know a more serious movie buff would have a better dissection of everything that went on this film, but alas, my taste is more of the “Toy Story” and “Yankee Doodle Dandy” variety, so this is what you get. Sorry, not sorry.

 

Looking for a serious review of this movie and the rest of movies on AFI’s greatest 100 list? Check out the The Confusing Middle and read his thoughts!

7 movies down, 92 to go! Next up: The French Connection. Sigh.

Though We’ve Got To Say Goodbye…For The Summer…

A week, one week! I had been on quite the roll in terms of a posting schedule. Monday, Wednesday & Friday like clockwork, then bam. I disappeared. I was sick for some of it but if I am being 100% honest with you (and myself), I just wasn’t feeling very funny. It happens, and that is part of the reason why I started this blog back up.  Writing can be therapeutic whether its serious writing or funny (or attempted funny in my case). So, until I find my groove again (anybody got Stella’s number?)…I’m going to take a look back at the events of Summer 2018 and hopefully we will be back to our regular scheduled programing soon!

2018 Summer Recap!

  • Took a big leap of faith and put my 2 week’s notice in at my job of 7 years so I can take better care of my momma who moved in with us 2 years ago this week. It was the hardest but best decision I’ve ever made!
  • Spent many days on the beaches both in Texas and in Florida
  • Made it to opening weekend of MLB seeing the Texas Rangers loose to the Reigning World Champs, the Houston Astros!
  • Speaking of baseball, made it to 3 different stadiums one of which was a new one for us and another to cross off our list in our quest to hit all 30 Stadiums! Globe Life Field (Texas Rangers) Minute Maid Park (Houston Astros) and the new to us Coors Field (Colorado Rockies)
  • Went to a motor bike race and sat in a luxory suite box for the first time
  • Cut all my hair off because I live in Texas and refuse to let the heat win
  • Spent Memorial Day weekend in Colorado, enjoying the beautiful Rocky Mountains via a train as well as taking our first rapids/rafting trip!
  • Made a last-minute trip to Florida for a family reunion and spent much needed time with people we don’t see nearly enough
  • Went home to Indiana for an unexpected funeral and shocking reminder that tomorrow is not promised but Gods love, hope and grace for us, (if we accept Him) is.
  • Became a mac user/lover and said goodbye to the last Microsoft product in our house..#notsorry
  • Went to exactly 1 movie in a theater (wish it could have been 0 ) 
  • Learned to cook seafood gumbo, chocolate lava cakes and a cheese soufflé. I also watched my fair share of ‘The French chef’ with Julia Childs…
  • Learned to cross stitch…now I just need to learn how to finish it.. 😉
  • Bought 3 new books that I will eventually read 😉
  • Lost some weight…gained some weight…had fun in the process.
  • 2 plane trips, 1 train trip and 1 16-hour road trip
  • Put up a pool in our backyard and was quickly reminded why I didn’t take chemistry in high school..(pool chemicals are not fun..)
  • Bought a new car
  • Shaved 1 half of a 24 lb cat because life isnt interesting enough and because he sat on a wax warmer…
  • Challenged myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake up at a normal hour and lasted precisely 1 day.
  • Finally cut the cord that is traditional TV and have become a household of Netflix, Hulu and Prime.
  • Re-watched every episode of Scrubs, Roseanne, Greys Anatomy, Sex and the City and Seinfeld from start to finish…again.
  • Challenged myself to watch all 100 movies on American Film Institute’s 100 Greatest American Movies of our time. I’ve watched the first 6 and am wondering if I made the right decision lol

 There they are, several of the high lights of this past summer. What is something you did this summer that you were glad you were able to accomplish?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saying Goodbye {ish} To an Old Friend….

NOLANVILLE- It is with great sadness that I must announce the untimely passing of my 2nd favorite pair of black strappy sandals, Sandy. They were also known as: “you know, the black and tan ones” to friends and family. They passed over to the big shoe box in the sky on August 31, 2018. They were only a year old.

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Born in April 2014 in China to parents Kali Footwear and Amazon Inc., Sandy was later adopted by on May 9, 2017, by Jennifer Shidler an avid online shopper and flip flop enthusiast. She survives.  Screen Shot 2018-09-01 at 11.32.59 PM

Sandy lived a modest life in Texas where she would spend her free time under the couch, under the coffee table or under towels in the bathroom. She did not work (something about flip flops not allowed in the work place) but loved to travel and enjoyed going through TSA checkpoints with ease. Her recent and most memorable trips include Florida, Chicago, Colorado and San Francisco.

 

Outside of traveling, Sandy enjoyed short walks on the hot Texas pavement, hiding from her dogs, Wrigley and Lucy, and accompanying Jennifer to her pedicures.

Sandy had no children of her own but cherished the friendship she had with Jennifer and knew her ‘sole’ purpose was to protect and shield her. Sandy once walked over broken glass for Jennifer, another time bravely taking an exacto knife to the head.

 

Sandy had an identical twin, Mandy, and while they didn’t always see eye to eye or toe to toe to, Mandy always encouraged Sandy to keep one foot ahead of the other. Mandy stayed by Sandy’s side to the very end but passed shortly after Sandy, realizing her purpose in life was no more.

Sandy was preceded in death by a pair of silver strapy sandals, a pair of white Nike’s and the left half of Jennifer’s favorite cat slippers.

A celebration of live will be held Monday September 3rd. Family and friends are encouraged to attend and share stories, poems and memories of their time with Sandy. Cremation was originally chosen but do to current burn ban restrictions in Texas, a traditional shoe box burial will be carried out instead with arrangements entrusted to Hefty and Sons.

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The Shidler’s ask that in leu of flowers, memorial donations be made in the form of Amazon gift cards, so more flip flops can be purchased in Sandy’s memory.

 

 

Quiz Me Friday: Guess The Song Edition

Hey Guys! It is Friday which means the weekend is upon us! Also upon us, is another “cliff notes” video for your non-reading pleasure!

Today, my husband has me play “guess the song”

Disclaimer: I have never and will never claim to be a good singer. With that said, I would NOT recommend watching this video with earbuds in and volume up high..unless tone deaf and off key is your kind of thing 😉

What kind of quiz should we do next week? Let me know in the comments 🙂

 

Enjoy!