..::How NOT To Build A NCAA Bracket::..

Tis the Season…I stuck to my old ways, and used last years method to create this years bracket..the results remained about the same, however.

Jennifer's {ish} Adventure

Its March. The sun is proving to be a bit warmer and the post super bowl winter induced comas are lifting as we quickly shuffle into the next time consuming sports tournament, the NCAA college basketball tourney…AKA MARCH MADNESS!! Now, what kind of Hoosier would I be if I didn’t have at least have one post about this basket ball event? From what I’ve been told and observed the last 25 years, is that basketball is a pretty big deal in Indiana. For my Texas readers, you know how football is a big deal here? Yep, that’s what basketball is in Indiana. Still not convinced, then either Google the term ‘Hoosier Hysteria’ or rent the movie “Hoosiers” and learn.

With all that being said, the tournament is only a few days away so to the brackets we must go! I have created my own bracket every year since Mr…

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An Ode to Chester

Finally, a blog post that proves that I can’t draw or write poetry.

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When they told us we could decorate the back room for the day

The vision of you with bright orange and yellow fur came my way.

A proud cat with a green top hat and clover.

It was obvious your smile would win the store over.

I was not prepared, however, for the creature I did create

I will try not to use a word so violent or strong, such as hate.

Your fur, while blotchy tells the story of a terrible disease,

Like ring worm or chicken pox, 10,000 tiny stings by 10,000 tiny bees.

Your arms, one fat, the other slender and lean

It is all too obvious that you belong on the back streets of Killeen.

Your picture is hung on the board in the back

Giving all who walk by a minor serious panic attack.

If I knew your existence would cause such riot and trouble

You, I would have kept in my head to avoid all the rumble.

I am so sorry I created your blotchy physique into existence

I swear to never create again without more artistic assistance.

All jokes aside from your picture (and this poem) being lame

One thing is for sure, that back room (or this blog) will never be the same.

Good Idea; Bad Idea

Over the last 10 months, I have been keeping a running list of all my good ideas that have ultimately ended in bad ideas. Today, I share with you my wisdom through experience. Please take heed….

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Good Idea: Stocking your bathroom with plenty of fresh clean towels

Bad Idea: Running naked/wet to other end of the house where the linen closet is. The cats are showing signs of bad vision and the neighbors will no longer look you in the eye.

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Good idea: Buying your favorite ice cream to be enjoyed on a hot summer’s day.

Bad Idea: Buying your favorite ice cream to be enjoyed on a hot Texas summers day, and forgetting it is in the car for about an hour.

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Good idea: Giving your cats a bath every few months or so

Bad idea: Giving your cats a bath every few months or so without sedating them first

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Good Idea: Plugging your phone in at night before you go to bed so it is charged for work the next day

Bad Idea: Plugging your phone in at night without first making sure that your cord is actually plugged in to the outlet

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Good Idea: Listening to great road trip songs like “Running on empty” By Jackson Browne and “Drivers Seat” by Sniff “n” the Tears while on a 16 hour car ride

Bad Idea: Being in the drivers seat in the middle of a 16 hour car ride, when the dashboard tells you that you are in fact running on empty and the nearest gas station is 30 minutes away.

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Good Idea: Keeping a fully stocked pantry with all essential staples such as tuna, ketchup and your favorite salad dressings.

Bad Idea: Only going through that pantry once every 5 years to find that the thousand island dressing was in fact ranch dressing with an expiration date past due more years than you and your husband have been together

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Good idea: Using generic house products like great value Lemon Pledge to dust your furniture, and great value cooking spray to coat your cooking pans versus the brand name versions, it gets the job done just the same.

Bad Idea: Laying both of these generic products next to each other on the counter leaving you 100% positive that your bookshelf will never stick to the pan if you decide to put it in the oven, and giving your salmon that extra splash of lemon you always wanted.

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Good Idea: Using a leash when taking your cat for walks around the block.

Bad Idea: Taking your cat for a walk around the block, with or without a leash.

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Good Idea: Driving through Arkansas to get to Indiana to save an hour on your total time.

Bad Idea: Driving through Arkansas at 1 am only to see deer and other medium to large sized wild life residents and their beady little eyes staring at you from the side of the road. You will stay put and I will do my thing and you will do yours. Let the dead raccoon next to mile marker 215 serve as your one and only warning.

What Do You Mean There is No Internet For A Week?

This is the story of one girls heroic tale of a week without Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, how she survived, and her efforts to educate those who may find themselves in similar situations…

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I boarded the Carnival Magic with a kick in my step and a smile on my face, excited for what the week had to offer me, and then it hit me. No Facebook. No Instagram. No twitter. I was prepared for fun, sun, formal nights and long nights, but I was not prepared for this…

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Day 1:

Dear Diary,
Today I spent the better part of the afternoon writing and leaving notes all over my cabin for our steward to read. Appropriately so, I left room for him to comment below, circle like, if he found the note to be funny and worthy and an extra copy attached for him to take with him just in case he felt the need to share my thoughts with others. I race back to the room hourly for any new notifications. Fingers crossed for any written communication. As of now, he still only communicates verbally when our paths cross. Rude.

Day 2:

Dear Diary,
I keep clicking the Facebook button on my phone out of habit; scrolling down to load more, but sadly I see the same 7 Facebook status’s all day, every day. Thank you to Roberta H, Liz S, Debbie B, Erik A, Brianna c, Shelly P for your words that have given me soo much strength to survive these last 7 days. I only wish I had realized that my last status was it for 7 whole days. I would have said more, stalked more, given the people more of what they want…cat pictures. We never truly know what we have until we have lost it

Day 3:

Dear Diary,
Today I contemplated training one of the local birds we came across on Jamaica, to carry notes of funny status updates and beach puns back home to Facebook and twitter. but alas, I could not train the bird to “tweet” my messages in 140 characters or less. Back to the drawing board.

Day 4:

Dear Diary,
Last night I hit a low point as my husband awoke concerned that I was not laying next to him in bed, only to find me huddled in the corner with my cell phone rocking back and fourth murmuring #hashtag I can’t take this anymore…..I fear I won’t survive, my spirits are running low. Please tell my cats I love them..and should have never left their side.

Day 5:

Dear Diary,
Slight paralysis when eating as I’m not quite sure how to taste my food if it is not first captured in a Valencia filter and followed with the hashtags #yummyinmytummy #beefitswhatfordinner #nomnomnom #icanhazcheezeburger. In an effort to quench this insatiable “thirst” I have begun eating all the food available to me. My method is start on deck 10 and work my way down the elevator eating my way off this ship. I suspect others suffer from the same disorder, as I see the same people in line at every stop everyday. None of us seem to be full. When will this madness end.IMG_2364IMG_2423IMG_2365

Day 6:

Dear Diary,
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Furthermore, if you go swimming with a stingray, and u don’t post pictures of it immediately on line for all to see, did it really happen?

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Day 7:

Dear Diary,
I really miss my cats. In an effort to cope, I’ve begun naming/talking to the towel animals. I tell them of our adventures in port that day and they, like all towel animals should, listen to my stories before settling down for snuggling with me for nap time. …later that day… Dear Diary, Hello again, I know I already wrote today, but something particularly distressing has happened that i feels needs documentation. My phone battery has not died in three days, I don’t know what’s wrong with it. First thing I will do if I survive this week is to take it to the apple store. It’s a good thing I bought apple care. :(

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How to prepare for a cruise from someone who has never been on a cruise before.

(Because you should take advice from someone who has no real prior knowledge)

This Sunday, I am going on my first ever cruise, and with the normal stress of working sales/retail, this trip could not come at a better time! The following are ways that I “prepared” myself for this upcoming adventure.

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If you are like me and are tragically allergic to the sun, decide if you would like to get a spray tan in an effort to not blind other cruisers with your pasty white skin. **revision: do not do as I did, and get said spray tan without making sure you are not allergic to it, ie: if your skin is sensitive enough where you cant be exposed to that much sun, spraying chemicals all over like icing on a cake may not be the best idea..unless a rash and hives are your thing :/ 

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Try on every piece of clothing in your closet in an effort to convince yourself you don’t need to buy new wardrobe. Change clothing combinations so much, that out of pity and fear, your cats no longer have the desire to watch you change and suddenly can’t look you in the eye.

Manicure and pedicure. If you are smart you will apply terrible sunless tanner AFTER nails are done so that the nail tech doesn’t think you have some sort of rare skin disease that they should be worried about. Its never good when they break out plastic gloves before doing your manicure.

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Google several different ways to successfully sneak your cat on the boat with no one noticing.

Diet until bikini ready body is good to go buy a new or bigger swimsuit/cover up/tarp

Go against your own, silly advice and realize that you totalllly need a new wardrobe and so does the hubby.

Take the 15 days worth of outfits for your seven day cruise and gently throw them into the spare bedroom to separate them from the non-vacation outfits, and to keep them from getting wrinkled before the trip. Nobody wants the ‘non-vacation’ clothes to be jealous and who has time to iron?

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Buy wrinkle release because let’s face it, even after all the time you spent babying your clothes before you packed them. The 10 hours you wait to have your luggage delivered to your room..they will be wrinkly again.

After calling port authority and realizing it is illegal to smuggle non-service or aid cats (cause people totally have those) on board and out of the country, con some schmuck your best friend in the whole entire world who you love for ever and ever and ever to come watch your cats while you are gone! (I love you Liz lemon)Nothing kills a vacation high more than coming home to two cats who are low on water, food and attention. Prepared to be clawed.

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Save all ports of call in your phones weather app. When you are having a bad day at work, being able to see that its 85* in Montego Bay MAY ease the pain of not being on vacation yet. Or it could make you more irritable..just depends on the situation.

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Find new ways to work into conversations that you are in fact getting ready to go on a cruise. For example: Liz: Hey Jennifer, do you know what time it is? Jennifer: It is currently 6pm. What are you going to do next month when I am on a cruise for a week going to Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, and I am not around to tell you what time it is. Liz: I think I will survive.” Or. William: Hey Jennifer, will you pass the peanut butter? Jennifer: Sure! You know, next month when I am on my 7 day cruise to Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, I will have the same waiter at each dinner who can pass me the same peanut butter all week? William: yeah, I don’t care”

Alienate your friends on Pinterest by creating a “cruise” board and filling it daily with silly pins with titles such as “cruise packing list, cute cruise outfits, cruise nails, 10 things you didn’t know about cruises, how to save money on a cruise..”

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Lastly, and this is a serious one. Go to Facebook, and type in the search bar the name and date of your cruise, (Carnival Magic March 2nd) More than likely, this will bring up a group that has been made by some other awesome cruise goers. Here you can share information about best cruise practices, great excursion ideas, and even plan little events to get to know other cruisers ahead of time! May sound weird, but a lot great advice and funny moments have been shared by the wonderful and spirited people who have joined this group and it gets you even more excited for the fun and memories that are about to be had!

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If My Cats Had Instagram….

It is no secret that I am a huge user of instagram. I live under the principal that it didn’t really happen and it must not have tasted good if it was not documented on instagram. With that being said, two of the biggest stars featured daily are my two cats, Rowdy and Mosby.

The following is the world of Instagram through the eye’s of two precocious cats

(if you want to follow their new instagram @therealhousepetsoftexas)

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