300 Writing Prompts # 4: Write a Quick Love Story That Ends Badly

1 hour and 27 minutes. That is all that separated Abigale from pure bliss. Her shift at the bank had been maddening which only increased her desire to get home. While it wasn’t a busy day per say, keeping her mind on basic tasks had proved more than problematic. She would greet the guests as they would come into the bank and she engaged in small talk with her co-workers, but her thoughts were 100% dedicated to the events of last night.

She still couldn’t believe it. Their meeting had been completely un-planned and at a gas station of all places! Who meets the one you’ve been searching for at a gas station?  The supermarket yes, the Valero down by the bus stop, not so much. It had been years since she had felt like this. Sure, there had been others, but none as sweet, cool and charming as this. When she arranged for a second meeting tonight, she wondered what others would think. She decided she didn’t care. She was an adult and old enough to defend her actions, besides who was going to find out.

Thankfully Abigale was scheduled to be on the monthly budget call the last hour of her shift. Her forced participation was bound to not only get everything off her mind but make the time go by quicker.

With five minutes left in the conference call and her speaking part already done , she began shutting down her computer and packing up her desk for the weekend. The minute the conference was over she planned to be out that door and in her car. No time for idle chit chat on how “it was finally the weekend, or we survived another week.” She had big plans and wanted them to start as soon as possible.

She raced home. Weaving in and out of the three-lane highway leaving those driving at or below the speed limit safely behind her. She caught herself blushing as she replayed last night events in her head. Could this be what she had been looking for her whole life? Suddenly her craving and desire reached an all-time high. Their dinner would have to wait until later. This needed to come first.

She pulled into the drive and instantly the excitement and anticipation drained from her body. Her Husband was home. “How could this be” Abigale whispered to herself. “He said he wouldn’t be back from Omaha until Sunday night.”

Realizing her plans were ruined, Abigale sat in the car for two minutes thinking how she was going to explain the evidence of what happened last night to her husband. She betrayed him.

Slowly and quietly she walked up to the door and opened it. Just as she had suspected, he was in the kitchen, spoon in one hand and the container of the special edition Blue Bell Rocky Road ice cream that she had been pinning for all day, in the other.

“Where did you find this?” He asked excitedly with his mouth half full of the sweet chocolate ice cream. “I thought the news said every store was sold out?”

“The Valero down the street by the bus stop” Abigale replied, trying to mask her hunger and disappointment. “The clerk said it was the last carton, and I was lucky to get it.”

“Well, it sure was delicious” her husband said as he tossed the now empty container in the trash as if it meant nothing to him. “Aren’t you surprised to see me, you seem disappointed? He said coming towards her, arms out for a hug.

“Definitely surprised” Ann said, more convincingly. “I just had a lot on my mind at work today, I’ll be better after I eat.”

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300 Writing Prompts # 3: What Would You Buy Even If The Price Doubled?

Write about something you would still buy if it cost twice as much as it costs today.

There is something I’ve been hiding from my readers and some of my family and friends for a while now and this is just the question to finally bring everything out into the open. No more secrets, no more hiding.

I have an addiction. In the beginning it was under control. Everything was in moderation. I couldn’t go out and buy it myself, so I had to rely on others. I would wait until my mom went to bed and take a little off the top. Same thing at my friends houses. It was a careful and controlled addiction. But as soon as I got my first job, my own car, the whole thing just blew out of control. Soon I was on the hunt 2 or 3 times a week. In between classes, on my break at work. Tony, the guy down the street at the gas station would help me out sometimes too. He knew I didn’t need fuel and would let me know when fresh stuff would drop so I could get my pick before the others got their hands all over it. Sure it would cost me double, but it was close by and would work in a pinch. 1%, 2%, whole, it doesn’t matter. When I need a fix, that’s all I can think about.  I’ll drink whatever I can get my hands on (except skim…I’ve not hit rock bottom yet).

My name is Jennifer, and I’m addicted to milk. (Hi Jennifer).

In all seriousness I would pay double, even triple for this white gold, this nectar of the Gods. They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, mine is through the cows utter. Ok, too far. Just take my word for it, I love milk.  I’m so deep in this dairy dilemma that I can’t even tell you how much a gallon of milk is. I NEVER look at the price. I check the date and the color of the cap, put in my cart and run to the check out as fast as possible. It’s that serious.

So, I dare you to raise the price. I’ll still be here with my super strong bones and special milk cup and straw.

What is something you would pay twice as much for?

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In Memorian of Vincent Jingle Bottoms

If you joined us Saturday, you will know we broke a news story about Vincent the Elf (here). Today we honor him..

Vincent Jingle Bottoms

June 12, 1340 – December 26, 2018

Vincent Jingle Bottoms, 678, of Nolanville, (formally of the North Pole) passed away Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2018, at his residence. He was born on June 12, 1340, in the North Pole, to Master Elves, Dancer and Sparkle (Sugar Plum) Jingle Bottoms.

He graduated from the St. Nick School of Expectational Elves in 1360 and received an additional degree from Purdue University in Engineering in 1987. Vincent was a member of the North Pole United Hockey Team where he played goalie. He enjoyed reading, gift wrapping and spending time with his family.

Vincent was preceded in death by his father, Dancer, and pet cat, Rowdy.
He is survived by his adoptive Christmas family, Matthew & Jennifer Shidler, and pets Mosby (cat) Wrigley & Lucy (dogs)

A celebration of life will be held Monday December 31st. Family and friends are encouraged to attend and share stories, poems and memories of their time with Vincent. Cremation was originally chosen but due to current circumstances surrounding Vincent’s death and the ongoing investigation by the FBI, the family has chosen a private burial at a later time in an undisclosed location. All arrangements have been entrusted to Hefty & Sons.

Memorial contributions may be made to GoFundMe where an account has been started to cover burial costs. Any remaining funds will go towards grief counseling for Santa and his remaining elves as well as support groups for other elves dealing with domestic violence situations.

300 Writing Prompts # 2: Write Tonight’s News Headline At Your House….

Imagine you are a news anchor. Write the beginning of tonight’s newscast script.

INTRO MUSIC:

VOICE OVER: “Proud to serve central Nolanville and the west side of Boxer Street, this is WYRU-Reading News 38. Closed captioning of the following programing is brought to you by WYRU- Reading & the First National Bank of Piggy. And now Boxer Streets leading newscaster Jennifer Lynne.”

Jennifer: Good evening and thank you for joining us. Our top story tonight:  A local family finds themselves a little less merry and bright tonight after what authorities are calling the worst attack on an elf in decades.  The 678-year-old Christmas Elf which was reported missing early Wednesday was found dead in his holiday vacation home early this afternoon.

Boxer Street police said a family member discovered the body underneath the couch in the shared family house at about 1:30 p.m. on Decemember 29th. The Elf, who has been identified as Vincent, was spending the extended holiday at his new vacation shelf in Nolanville, according to a family friend.

The FBI joined the investigation because the elf initially was reported missing the day after Christmas by authorities in charge of attendance compliance at the North Pole.

Police detectives and crime scene investigators began searching the house late Thursday after obtaining a warrant. Not all details of the crime have been released by investigators yet.

The medical examiner’s office says the cause of death is being ruled as blunt force trauma and sharp force injuries similar to a mauling or bear attack. Police Chief Mosby said. As such, this case is being considered a homicide.

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It is Boxer Streets first homicide of 2019, Chief Mosby said.

No arrests have been made as of yet, but 2 suspects, Wrigley and Lucy Shidler, remain in police custody for questioning.

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Suspects being held for questioning

Neighbors described Vincent as a friendly, outgoing elf. “Always keeping a watchful eye, and leaving presents for his family” said Carla Kilburn, a friend close to the family. “His personality – he was very stoic yet charming.”

“This is almost dreamlike,” said Kilburn. “It just didn’t seem true at all, I guess he must have over stayed his welcome.”

A GoFund me account has been started in Vincent’s name to cover cremation and burial costs. Any remaining funds will go towards grief counseling for Santa and his remaining elves as well as support groups for other elves dealing with domestic violence situations.

Police ask that anyone with information on this case are urged to contact Boxer Street PD at (765) 867-5309

 

 

 

300 Writing Prompts # 1: Best Way To Spend A Lazy Day

What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?

The simple answer to this is, at home and in my pajamas with my cats and dogs. The full answer is much more complex and is comprised of the following components:

  • Surroundings
  • Attire
  • Nutrition
  • Entertainment

The surroundings are very important, and it goes way deeper than just being at home with my pets. Also, this almost always requires two days off in a row. I must sacrifice the first lazy day to the productivity Gods. This is so that I can prepare every inch of my house for the second day of pure and utter laziness. I will strip the bed, wash every piece of laundry, do all the dishes, heck, I’ll even clean out my nightstand. I do all this prep work so that when midnight hits of the actual “lazy day” I can relax unbothered and remain unmotivated by my surroundings.

The attire is also carefully planned out. The amateur lazy person would say that what you wear depends on the weather outside, but they are WRONG. I’m no amateur. I want to be lazy and cozy, even if its 105 outside. The simple solution is to crank the air to 62* and find my favorite hoody, sweat pants and blankets.

Nutrition is key on a lazy day as it is important to keep your strength up. My menu varies depending on what we have on hand and what I feel like, but the usual suspects are frosted flakes, mashed potatoes, egg salad sandwiches, ramen, ginger ale and milk. Not all at the same time of course…although I always say I’ll try anything once!

Entertainment is the final category that fuels the motivation for a lazy day. More often than not it’s the TV series I’ve just gotten hooked on or the book that I can’t seem to put down that motivates (or un-motivates rather) me for a lazy day.

So tell me, what is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?

 

I’m Officially a Texan, Y’all

Well, it is official, after almost 7 years I, Jennifer Lynne Shidler, a born and raised Hoosier, am officially a Texan, and I have H-E-B to thank! YEEE HAW!

“But Jennifer, wouldn’t your “Texan” status have been granted the minute you got your driver’s license or purchased property?”

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Well, I can see how you would think these acts would make you a true Texan, but the truth is, this is a two-step process. You can accept Texas all you want and say “y’all hail Mary’s” until your face turns blue, but until Texas accepts you back, a true Texan you are not.

Low and behold, on Friday, November 9 2018 at 11:58 am I received my admission letter in the form of a Facebook notification.

“Facebook? How, ah, informal of them..”

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Hey! I don’t need a fancy document to prove my new-found state membership! Besides, some of the greatest most powerful people in the world use social media to get their points across and no one thinks any differently about them….(sigh)

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Anyway, back to how all this started. Earlier in the day I came across a Facebook video (watch it HERE) of a wayward Turkey who had accidently made its way into the living room of an unsuspecting couple. The video was cute, I had to hit the share button and tagged my favorite grocery store, HEB, and went about my day.

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What’s HEB you ask? Only the greatest supermarket ever (that’s right Kroger, I said it). They are based out of Texas and there are at least 7 of them within a half hour drive of my house. They are the only place I feel comfortable buying sushi from that isn’t a restaurant, they offer curbside pick-up and they deliver straight to your door. THEY DO IT ALL.

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I was putting away laundry and my phone went off. There it was. HEB commented on my post (blue verified check mark and all). In fact, not only did they acknowledge my existence with a comment, but they threw in an exclamation point and a winking face emoji just to boost my ego. Did we just become best friends? YEP!

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I always knew this day would come but I had no idea it would be on some idle Friday while in my pajamas folding laundry.

To my dear Indiana, it’s been a great ride. You taught me a lot about life and you will always be my first home, but I must go now. My grocery store needs me. Yall take care now, ya hear.

 

 

 

 

 

Halloween Costumes For the Pratical Adult

Well ladies and gentlemen, we did it. Another All-Hallows Eve is upon us. What, if at all, do I dress up as this year? In my research for Halloween greatness I have found there to be several categories for casual dress up and yet I seem to fit in none of them (story of my life). Let us explore these unwanted categories together, shall we.

Category 1: Family friendly dress up

Kids make dressing up on Halloween socially accepted and more fun when you are an adult. But, unless you can find a way to get my 24 lb. cat with a mood disorder (isn’t that all cats though?) to stay in a monkey costume for longer than 5 seconds, this category doesn’t apply to me sadly.

Category 2: Night of The Living Inappropriate

Dead sexy or I guess ‘sexy dead’ seems to be the go-to theme for Halloween parties in your 20/30s. Sexy dead nurse, sexy dead nun, sexy dead road kill, wait what?! I’m past my 20’s and last time I checked, a beat-up ground hog wearing a bikini with bronzer and highlighter wasn’t my idea of a good time.  (For the record I never visited this costume phase. I Did not pass go and did not collect 200$).

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Category 3: Couple or Group Costume

Salt & pepper, bacon & eggs, and Barbie and Ken. The more the merrier right? Wrong. This was the category for me until I remembered that all my friends live 1000 miles away and the chances of getting my husband to dress up as Barbie while I steal the show as Ken, is slim to none.

So where does this leave me? None of the above-mentioned costumes or themes speak to me. I must take matters into my own hands and create a whole new category;

Category 4: Just trying to survive life

In this category, we will explore in more depth the parts of life that are truly horrifying but don’t get enough ‘street cred’ in the costume department.

  1. Dress up as your favorite expensive bra (because this stuff only happens to the expensive ones), but instead of an “even horizon”, one side is drooping, and the other side is now stabbing you with a wire that was once your supportive friend. Bump up the scary factor a few notches by snapping off two of the four hooks and twisting  the strap around five times.
  2. Dress up as your esophagus after making the dumb decision of eating pizza after 8 p.m. For an added bonus, hold up an empty bottle of tums and a clock that says 4 a.m.
  3. Dress up as a tube of toothpaste that has been manhandled by a family of 5. There is still plenty of toothpaste left, but due to the unorganized pattern of which it was squeezed, it has been rendered useless. Extra scary points if you can lose the cap and add a stray beard hair…or 3.
  4. Dress up as the mysterious red blinking LED light that is always invisible during the day when you can do something about it, but at night when you are trying to sleep and don’t have a sledge hammer handy, becomes a beacon of hope for wayward gnats and moths everywhere. Add a high pitch hum or whirring sound to elevate this look to a whole new level.
  5. Dress up as a questionably sticky surface. Did a cat throw up here? Did a toddler just recklessly eat cotton candy? Perhaps a family of 12 just had pancakes. The point is, we don’t know why it’s sticky, and worse yet, there isn’t a clean towel or drop of water to be found anywhere. Insert cold shudder and sour face here.

There you have it folks, five scary costume ideas for the practical adult. Let me know below what you are dressing up as, unless it’s a sexy dead ground hog, I don’t have time for that here.