The Elephant in The Room…

I need to address the elephant in the room…one sided relationships.

We’ve all been there. You think you know someone. You develop a relationship with them, begin to trust them, count on them. You really think you will be together forever. Then, they start to get lazy. Missing things, getting sloppy and making excuses. Sure, you try to work on the relationship, and it’s good for a week or two, then they are back to their old ways. You are forced to part. It’s the good ol’ “it’s not you, it’s me” scenario Except in this case, it was all them and not me. You take a few weeks off. Partly to heal but also to avoid falling for the rebound. Then, out of the blue when you least expect it, you find the one. In this particular scenario, I found the one in the “Trending Deals For You” section of Amazon.

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Now, I know I am not the first person in their 30’s (wow that still feels weird to say) to comment on how exciting it is to get a new appliance, and I know I won’t be the last, but I just got a new vacuum cleaner and I feel like I could run for President.  Our President wants a wall (sigh), and I just want a vacuum that doesn’t empty its contents the minute I turn it off. Vote for me!

She gets here today and while her reviews on Amazon are very promising, I can’t wait to give her the Shidler test.

What was the last item you purchased that brought you unlikely joy?!

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300 Writing Prompts # 11: What’s Your Morning Routine?

What are some of the first things you do when you wake up in the morning?

I’m not a morning person, but I don’t need to tell you that, you are about to come to that conclusion all on your own. Now, may I present to you a morning at the Shilder House.

  1. Try to figure out where the annoying sound is coming from
  2. Kick a cat or dog off my legs so that I can roll over to search for annoying sound
  3. Frantically searching night stand and floor for annoying sound
  4. Find annoying sound under my back because I fell asleep reading Wikipedia again.
  5. Hit snooze.
  6. Sleep for 8 more minutes
  7. Try to figure out where annoying sound is coming form
  8. Remove said pet from legs again
  9. Locate phone that is still in my hand
  10. Utilize quick math skills to calculate if there is enough time to hit snooze again
  11. Terrible math skills wake me up enough to realize I need to get up.
  12. Look at phone notifications from Text/Facebook/Wordpress/Cnn while avoiding anything that says Trump, shutdown or wall
  13. Spend 2 mins trying to remember what Dr. appointment mom has that day
  14. Reassemble all hair that has fallen out of my pony tail and put it back
  15. Let dogs out for potty break
  16. Feed the overly dramatic cat before he goes on strike
  17. Potty break
  18. Re-evaluate whether I have time to go back to sleep for a minute
  19. Brush teeth
  20. Let dogs back in
  21. Get half way dressed
  22. Lay down In bed with clothes on until 2 minutes before we need to leave
  23. Swear to myself that I will go to bed at a reasonable hour tonigh.

You would think that at the age 31 I would be past the whole “But I don’t want to get up yet” tantrum, but yet here I am, rocking it.

So, Tell me readers, What does your morning routine look like?

The Late Show With Jennifer Shidler Presents: Top Ten Blogs of 2018..

At the beginning of the year I saw several posts from other bloggers, listing their most viewed posts of 2018. Well, I’m about 10 days late to the party, but I enjoyed reading through their lists and thought this was another way to give my new readers some insight on what you can expect to find here ( No suprise, it’s all satire). So join me as we count down my top ten and prove once again that I’m a trend follower and not a trend starter 😉

Car Shopping {ish} With Jennifer:

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We spent 2 months shopping and then 8 hours in the dealership the day of (insert eye roll here). So, in this particular post I take you along on our latest car buying experience where I outline 6 factors every person should follow when buying a car. None of which my husband found slightly relevant.

A Christmas Poem:

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Honestly this is one of my favorite things I’ve written, and even though it was written with only 7 days left in 2018, it still made it to #2. I thought it would be cute to bake my first pie from scratch the day before Christmas, and well…it didn’t end the way I thought it would. I expressed my anger artfully and wrote a poem to the rhythm of “The Night Before Christmas.” I had way more fun writing the poem then baking or eating the pie.

Halloween Costumes for the Practical Adult:

Halloween Costumes

Fueled by my hatred of what adult’s wear as Halloween costumes these days…aka anything with the word “sexy” in front of it, I outlined 4 Halloween categories that I felt were truly unrepresented and should honestly frighten any adult.

Quiz Me Friday: Spelling Edition:

Spelling Edition

This blog post was actually a video, and whether you’ve just started following me, or have been here since 2012, you will know that I am terrible at spelling. We thought it would be fun for my husband to give me a basic, and I mean basic, spelling test. It was humiliating but fun!

I’m Offically a Texan Y’all:

Becoming a TExan

This post is me losing my mind after the verified HEB (a popular Texas grocery store chain for you non-Texans) Facebook and Instagram account commented on a post I made about them. This post is an exaggerated announcement that the grocery store chain and I are now best friends for ever and by doing so, cementing my status as a true Texan and not a Hoosier (an Indiana term 😉 )

Pet Grooming {ish} With Jennifer:

IMG_2318Oh! Another one of my favorites to write, not one of my favorites to experience however! If you have curious cats and use wax warmers in your house, you will want to read this one, so you know what to do in the event your cat tries to give himself a spa treatment. Fur and wax do NOT go together.

Cinema {ish} With Jennifer Toy Story:

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In this post I dissected the American Film Institute’s #99 movie Toy Story, but since we have all seen this million at least a dozen times, I used this  time to write a brief case study on Sid from Toy Story. Active imagination or pre-teen psychopath in training? I encourage you to read this and re-watch toy story with an open mind and decide for yourself.

Getting Old {ish} With Jennifer:

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After I turned 30 last year I still felt like I wasn’t considered an adult, so I thought if I applied for the job of adult and submitted a resume then maybe I would be hired. Still waiting for the acceptance letter, but the resume is still up for your approval or disapproval!

My Quarter Life Crisis Bucket List:

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To piggy back off of the previous post, for my 31st birthday I was still not feeling too much like an adult, so I made a small bucket lists of things I want to accomplish before my 32nd birthday. If you are new to my blog you may already be familiar with this theme as I have posted an update to how my list is coming along.

The Ants Go Marching 1 by 1, Hurrah! Hurrah!

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Another one of my favorites. This spring (like every spring) we found ourselves with a bit of an ant problem. I took my annoyance to a satirical approach (like usual) and decided to turn my kitchen sink into a vacation destination for the ant community. I made a flyer and advertised like this was a Sandals resort in Jamaica.

So there you are, the top ten posts I wrote in 2018 as voted by WordPress views. I had alot of fun writing them, hopefully you have/had fun reading them!

 

In Memory of Rowdy Shidler

If you read Tuesdays “300 Writing Prompt” entry (read it here), you will know that we recently had to put our beloved cat Rowdy to sleep. Today I share his obituary that is every bit as sassy  and silly as he was.

Rowdy Roo Shidler

Spring 2010 – December 17, 2018

Rowdy Roo Shidler, 10, of Nolanville Texas, drifted peacefully into eternal sleep on December 17, 2018 while surrounded by his family. Rowdy was born in Terre Haute Indiana in the early spring of 2010.

He was an aspiring medical helicopter pilot, but his dream was cut short when it was discovered he was a recovering catnip addict. He was later adopted in June 2010 by newlyweds Matthew and Jennifer Shidler. They survive.

Rowdy was a proud ‘spirited’ cat with a passion for attacking ankles unprovoked and hissing without being spoken to. He followed the typical cat rulebook to a T, never deviating from standard protocol once.

img_1112He was a loving and protective big brother to Mosby. The two could often be found rough housing, giving each other baths, chasing each other through the house at 3 a.m. and getting into other general mischief.

Rowdy was known by all to have a sophisticated pallet, often dinning on the finest hair ties, shoe laces and most exotic yarns he could get his paws on. If something didn’t meet his standards, he was not afraid to let you know, often at 3 a.m. and in the middle of a well-traveled pathway.

While never having the chance to be a father his self, (a major mix up at the veterinary

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office he always claimed) Rowdy took on the role of “Father Figure” with pride when his parents adopted two deformed and untrained cats, Lucy and Wrigley. He made it his personal mission to turn the two into functioning cats, but unfortunately never saw his dreams come to fruition.

Rowdy will be dearly missed but never forgotten. All that were blessed with the opportunity to feed him or with the rare opportunity to pet him un-harmed, know that their lives are forever changed.

Rowdy is survived by his loving parents, Matthew and Jennifer Shidler. Brothers, Mosby and Wrigley and little sister Lucy. Other family members include his Aunt Jonie Shidler, Estel & Cindy Shidler and Carla Kilburn.

A celebration of life was privately held at his residence December 24, 2018. Guests shared stories, pictures and passed around his favorite balls of yarn.

A GoFundMe has been created in Rowdy’s name to raise funds for Catnip for underprivileged inner city cats.

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Just a Quick Thought

I was working on Wednesdays blog post and came across a small promblem…I couldnt spell purpose right to save my life. One of these days I will spell ‘Purpose’ right on the first try instead of ‘Porpoises’…..until that day comes, if you are reading something I have written, just assume I’m talking about something that is intentional and not a small aquatic mammal… unless I write a blog about whales on porpoise (see what I did there..). If I do write that blog, just reguard this message! 😉

 

While The Husband is Away, The Wife Will Play….

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My husband is gone for work for the week, and these are 10 things I will be doing in his absence. He may or may not be excited he isn’t here to join me.

  • 3 words: Gilmore Girls Marathon
  • Cheesy Romance novels and puppy snuggles
  • The house temperature will be 70, then 75, then 70 then 75 again….in one hour
  • I will Sleep in the middle of the bed with all my pillows
  • Text him every half hour asking him what he’s up to
  • Homemade Zoodle Shrimp Alfredo all to myself
  • Oil changed on the car…wait…this doesn’t sound like an advantage.
  • Give my doggo’s too many treats and lots of kisses
  • Bubble baths and while playing the best of Cher and Abba
  • The following movies will be on repeat
    • You’ve Got Mail
    • Sound of Music
    • The Mirror has Two Faces
    • Beaches
    • The Bridges of Madison County
    • Pretty Woman
    • Sleepless in Seattle

Because in most things in life there is balance, these are the 10 things I will miss with his absence. Again, he may or may not be excited he isn’t here to join me

  • I will miss telling him to roll over every time he snores in my general direction
  • I will miss reading him these blogs before I post them for a laugh test
  • I will miss the smell of his body wash wafting into the room at 5 a.m. after his morning shower
  • I will miss him showing me a million things on Facebook, even though I’ve already seen them lol
  • I will miss him talking to me about his flights that day even though I don’t understand
  • I will miss the way he makes pumping gas look so effortless ;).
  • I will miss him ‘yelling’ at me for sorting the dirty clothes wrong
  • I will miss him ‘yelling’ at me for loading the dishwasher wrong (confession, I’m a terrible housewife)
  • I will miss seeing how excited the dogs get after he walks through the door after he has been at work all day
  • I will miss the way he talks to our puppies early in the morning when he gently wakes them up to take them outside for potty time.

This post started as a silly weekday ramble, but the more I wrote the more I was reminded of two things…

  1. How much of the little and big things that I love about my sweet husband.
  2. So many people I know are missing their spouses for more serious reasons such as military deployment or death. This makes my complaints of a five-day separation sound trivial and minuscule.

Hug your loved ones and don’t take the little things for granted 🙂

300 Writing Prompts # 6: Write a Thank You Note To Someone

Dear Shower in Room 1319 Crown Plaza Hotel, Houston:

You may not remember me, but I’m the woman you heard screaming yesterday morning. Hi! I wanted to send you a word of thanks for the most violent shower experience of my life. Never in my 31 years of bathing have I gone from 3rd degree burns to frostbite in a matter of minutes. You really kept me on my toes, which is good, because they were the only body part left un-effected by your ‘Psycho’ Alfred Hitchcock thrill ride. Who knew the most effective way to clean your body was to sear the top layer off to make room for the new layer.

I was worried the memories of our weekend together would quickly fade away, but those fears were soon replaced by the constant smell of fried bologna on my skin that seemed to follow me where ever I went. That small reminder will have to do until our paths can cross again.

You truly went above and beyond, and I thank you for your service!

Sincerely,

Jennifer Shidler

 

Tell me readers, who would you write a thank you note to this week?

Extra credit: whats your worst hotel experience in recent memory?

to my love & light,