“You Are An Obsession, My Obsession..”

I can’t just casually like something. Nope, not me. I’m either all in or nothing at all. I am that person who goes to the store, buys 50 bags worth of groceries and insists on carrying them all into the house in one trip only to drop them on the counter and want to give up. This is an issue. Take for example, this blog. Four months ago I was writing two posts a day, four times a week, then..nothing, blank spaces, crickets.

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Example 2: Cross stitch, sewing, crocheting. There was a point in time where I would stay up until 3 in the A.M. working on one large project or watching every how to Youtube video, only to shelf the whole unfinished project to pick up another hobby.

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The Facebook Album of where pinterest projects go to die….

Example 3: The gym. Probably the best obsessive hobby to have, there was a time when my husband and I lived at the gym…now, we send postcards and share fond memories when we can.

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My current obsession? Books. I’ve always liked to read, (I grew up without internet and cable tv…better, simpler times!) but college seemed to kill the ‘read for fun’ idea for me so I stopped. I picked it back up in October and now I am currently reading anywhere between 3-4 books a week, and we aren’t talking small books either. I go to bed with a book in my hand and wake up with a book in my hand.

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My goal was to read 50 books by 2020…half way through May and I’ve read 43..

Now, I know what you are thinking..It could be a lot worse…I could be obsessing over drugs, alcohol or even worse TWINKIES…(a twinkie does sound good right now….) but I am here to say this type of obsessive behavior is exhausting for not only me, my poor husband who has to try and keep up with me,  but my house as I am running out of room for the hobbies I take up only abandon months later.

A skilled proffesional would probably argue that this obsesessve behavior is my minds way of dealing with (or rather not dealing) stressors in my life. I could get behind that, but I have no time to meet up with said skilled proffesional, given all the unfinshed new AND old projects I have yet to complete…(ha)

Sooooooo In an effort to correct my obessive tendencies, my goal for this 2019 summer is, EVERYTHING IN MODERATION!! (except baseball…that love affair has been going on since the mid 90s). If I want to blog here and there, then read for a few days than put that book down and pick up some knitting needles to learn how to make a blanket, that is fine, but I will by NO MEANS, buy every size needle, every book available or hoard every color of yarn known to man to inevitably make half of a dish towel..(besides..if you have followed along this far…you should have guessed I already have a crap ton of yarn..)

 

So with that said..LET THE SUMMER OF MODERATION BEGIN! What should I write about first, or not write about until I’m ready to write..you know..in a non-obsessive way?

 

P.s. (do people still P.s. anymore?) I want to know if I am alone or not. Do you obsesse over something more than you wish you did? Please don’t leave me sitting alone on the crazy train, the trip is quicker with friends…ha!

 

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The Late Show With Jennifer Shidler Presents: Top Ten Blogs of 2018..

At the beginning of the year I saw several posts from other bloggers, listing their most viewed posts of 2018. Well, I’m about 10 days late to the party, but I enjoyed reading through their lists and thought this was another way to give my new readers some insight on what you can expect to find here ( No suprise, it’s all satire). So join me as we count down my top ten and prove once again that I’m a trend follower and not a trend starter 😉

Car Shopping {ish} With Jennifer:

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We spent 2 months shopping and then 8 hours in the dealership the day of (insert eye roll here). So, in this particular post I take you along on our latest car buying experience where I outline 6 factors every person should follow when buying a car. None of which my husband found slightly relevant.

A Christmas Poem:

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Honestly this is one of my favorite things I’ve written, and even though it was written with only 7 days left in 2018, it still made it to #2. I thought it would be cute to bake my first pie from scratch the day before Christmas, and well…it didn’t end the way I thought it would. I expressed my anger artfully and wrote a poem to the rhythm of “The Night Before Christmas.” I had way more fun writing the poem then baking or eating the pie.

Halloween Costumes for the Practical Adult:

Halloween Costumes

Fueled by my hatred of what adult’s wear as Halloween costumes these days…aka anything with the word “sexy” in front of it, I outlined 4 Halloween categories that I felt were truly unrepresented and should honestly frighten any adult.

Quiz Me Friday: Spelling Edition:

Spelling Edition

This blog post was actually a video, and whether you’ve just started following me, or have been here since 2012, you will know that I am terrible at spelling. We thought it would be fun for my husband to give me a basic, and I mean basic, spelling test. It was humiliating but fun!

I’m Offically a Texan Y’all:

Becoming a TExan

This post is me losing my mind after the verified HEB (a popular Texas grocery store chain for you non-Texans) Facebook and Instagram account commented on a post I made about them. This post is an exaggerated announcement that the grocery store chain and I are now best friends for ever and by doing so, cementing my status as a true Texan and not a Hoosier (an Indiana term 😉 )

Pet Grooming {ish} With Jennifer:

IMG_2318Oh! Another one of my favorites to write, not one of my favorites to experience however! If you have curious cats and use wax warmers in your house, you will want to read this one, so you know what to do in the event your cat tries to give himself a spa treatment. Fur and wax do NOT go together.

Cinema {ish} With Jennifer Toy Story:

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In this post I dissected the American Film Institute’s #99 movie Toy Story, but since we have all seen this million at least a dozen times, I used this  time to write a brief case study on Sid from Toy Story. Active imagination or pre-teen psychopath in training? I encourage you to read this and re-watch toy story with an open mind and decide for yourself.

Getting Old {ish} With Jennifer:

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After I turned 30 last year I still felt like I wasn’t considered an adult, so I thought if I applied for the job of adult and submitted a resume then maybe I would be hired. Still waiting for the acceptance letter, but the resume is still up for your approval or disapproval!

My Quarter Life Crisis Bucket List:

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To piggy back off of the previous post, for my 31st birthday I was still not feeling too much like an adult, so I made a small bucket lists of things I want to accomplish before my 32nd birthday. If you are new to my blog you may already be familiar with this theme as I have posted an update to how my list is coming along.

The Ants Go Marching 1 by 1, Hurrah! Hurrah!

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Another one of my favorites. This spring (like every spring) we found ourselves with a bit of an ant problem. I took my annoyance to a satirical approach (like usual) and decided to turn my kitchen sink into a vacation destination for the ant community. I made a flyer and advertised like this was a Sandals resort in Jamaica.

So there you are, the top ten posts I wrote in 2018 as voted by WordPress views. I had alot of fun writing them, hopefully you have/had fun reading them!

 

Just a Quick Thought

I was working on Wednesdays blog post and came across a small promblem…I couldnt spell purpose right to save my life. One of these days I will spell ‘Purpose’ right on the first try instead of ‘Porpoises’…..until that day comes, if you are reading something I have written, just assume I’m talking about something that is intentional and not a small aquatic mammal… unless I write a blog about whales on porpoise (see what I did there..). If I do write that blog, just reguard this message! 😉

 

300 Writing Prompts # 6: Write a Thank You Note To Someone

Dear Shower in Room 1319 Crown Plaza Hotel, Houston:

You may not remember me, but I’m the woman you heard screaming yesterday morning. Hi! I wanted to send you a word of thanks for the most violent shower experience of my life. Never in my 31 years of bathing have I gone from 3rd degree burns to frostbite in a matter of minutes. You really kept me on my toes, which is good, because they were the only body part left un-effected by your ‘Psycho’ Alfred Hitchcock thrill ride. Who knew the most effective way to clean your body was to sear the top layer off to make room for the new layer.

I was worried the memories of our weekend together would quickly fade away, but those fears were soon replaced by the constant smell of fried bologna on my skin that seemed to follow me where ever I went. That small reminder will have to do until our paths can cross again.

You truly went above and beyond, and I thank you for your service!

Sincerely,

Jennifer Shidler

 

Tell me readers, who would you write a thank you note to this week?

Extra credit: whats your worst hotel experience in recent memory?

to my love & light,

In Memorian of Vincent Jingle Bottoms

If you joined us Saturday, you will know we broke a news story about Vincent the Elf (here). Today we honor him..

Vincent Jingle Bottoms

June 12, 1340 – December 26, 2018

Vincent Jingle Bottoms, 678, of Nolanville, (formally of the North Pole) passed away Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2018, at his residence. He was born on June 12, 1340, in the North Pole, to Master Elves, Dancer and Sparkle (Sugar Plum) Jingle Bottoms.

He graduated from the St. Nick School of Expectational Elves in 1360 and received an additional degree from Purdue University in Engineering in 1987. Vincent was a member of the North Pole United Hockey Team where he played goalie. He enjoyed reading, gift wrapping and spending time with his family.

Vincent was preceded in death by his father, Dancer, and pet cat, Rowdy.
He is survived by his adoptive Christmas family, Matthew & Jennifer Shidler, and pets Mosby (cat) Wrigley & Lucy (dogs)

A celebration of life will be held Monday December 31st. Family and friends are encouraged to attend and share stories, poems and memories of their time with Vincent. Cremation was originally chosen but due to current circumstances surrounding Vincent’s death and the ongoing investigation by the FBI, the family has chosen a private burial at a later time in an undisclosed location. All arrangements have been entrusted to Hefty & Sons.

Memorial contributions may be made to GoFundMe where an account has been started to cover burial costs. Any remaining funds will go towards grief counseling for Santa and his remaining elves as well as support groups for other elves dealing with domestic violence situations.

300 Writing Prompts # 2: Write Tonight’s News Headline At Your House….

Imagine you are a news anchor. Write the beginning of tonight’s newscast script.

INTRO MUSIC:

VOICE OVER: “Proud to serve central Nolanville and the west side of Boxer Street, this is WYRU-Reading News 38. Closed captioning of the following programing is brought to you by WYRU- Reading & the First National Bank of Piggy. And now Boxer Streets leading newscaster Jennifer Lynne.”

Jennifer: Good evening and thank you for joining us. Our top story tonight:  A local family finds themselves a little less merry and bright tonight after what authorities are calling the worst attack on an elf in decades.  The 678-year-old Christmas Elf which was reported missing early Wednesday was found dead in his holiday vacation home early this afternoon.

Boxer Street police said a family member discovered the body underneath the couch in the shared family house at about 1:30 p.m. on Decemember 29th. The Elf, who has been identified as Vincent, was spending the extended holiday at his new vacation shelf in Nolanville, according to a family friend.

The FBI joined the investigation because the elf initially was reported missing the day after Christmas by authorities in charge of attendance compliance at the North Pole.

Police detectives and crime scene investigators began searching the house late Thursday after obtaining a warrant. Not all details of the crime have been released by investigators yet.

The medical examiner’s office says the cause of death is being ruled as blunt force trauma and sharp force injuries similar to a mauling or bear attack. Police Chief Mosby said. As such, this case is being considered a homicide.

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It is Boxer Streets first homicide of 2019, Chief Mosby said.

No arrests have been made as of yet, but 2 suspects, Wrigley and Lucy Shidler, remain in police custody for questioning.

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Suspects being held for questioning

Neighbors described Vincent as a friendly, outgoing elf. “Always keeping a watchful eye, and leaving presents for his family” said Carla Kilburn, a friend close to the family. “His personality – he was very stoic yet charming.”

“This is almost dreamlike,” said Kilburn. “It just didn’t seem true at all, I guess he must have over stayed his welcome.”

A GoFund me account has been started in Vincent’s name to cover cremation and burial costs. Any remaining funds will go towards grief counseling for Santa and his remaining elves as well as support groups for other elves dealing with domestic violence situations.

Police ask that anyone with information on this case are urged to contact Boxer Street PD at (765) 867-5309

 

 

 

300 Writing Prompts # 1: Best Way To Spend A Lazy Day

What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?

The simple answer to this is, at home and in my pajamas with my cats and dogs. The full answer is much more complex and is comprised of the following components:

  • Surroundings
  • Attire
  • Nutrition
  • Entertainment

The surroundings are very important, and it goes way deeper than just being at home with my pets. Also, this almost always requires two days off in a row. I must sacrifice the first lazy day to the productivity Gods. This is so that I can prepare every inch of my house for the second day of pure and utter laziness. I will strip the bed, wash every piece of laundry, do all the dishes, heck, I’ll even clean out my nightstand. I do all this prep work so that when midnight hits of the actual “lazy day” I can relax unbothered and remain unmotivated by my surroundings.

The attire is also carefully planned out. The amateur lazy person would say that what you wear depends on the weather outside, but they are WRONG. I’m no amateur. I want to be lazy and cozy, even if its 105 outside. The simple solution is to crank the air to 62* and find my favorite hoody, sweat pants and blankets.

Nutrition is key on a lazy day as it is important to keep your strength up. My menu varies depending on what we have on hand and what I feel like, but the usual suspects are frosted flakes, mashed potatoes, egg salad sandwiches, ramen, ginger ale and milk. Not all at the same time of course…although I always say I’ll try anything once!

Entertainment is the final category that fuels the motivation for a lazy day. More often than not it’s the TV series I’ve just gotten hooked on or the book that I can’t seem to put down that motivates (or un-motivates rather) me for a lazy day.

So tell me, what is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?