Dear Shower in Room 1319 Crown Plaza Hotel, Houston:
You may not remember me, but I’m the woman you heard screaming yesterday morning. Hi! I wanted to send you a word of thanks for the most violent shower experience of my life. Never in my 31 years of bathing have I gone from 3rd degree burns to frostbite in a matter of minutes. You really kept me on my toes, which is good, because they were the only body part left un-effected by your ‘Psycho’ Alfred Hitchcock thrill ride. Who knew the most effective way to clean your body was to sear the top layer off to make room for the new layer.
I was worried the memories of our weekend together would quickly fade away, but those fears were soon replaced by the constant smell of fried bologna on my skin that seemed to follow me where ever I went. That small reminder will have to do until our paths can cross again.
You truly went above and beyond, and I thank you for your service!
Tell me readers, who would you write a thank you note to this week?
Extra credit: whats your worst hotel experience in recent memory?
Dear Sun, center of our solar system and light of our lives:
I know you may not know me, but my name is Jennifer I am from the great state of Texas and I like to find myself in your presence as much as I possibly can. You have been there for me when I have needed you the most. Baseball games, at the beach, you even attended my wedding. You have been a big part of my life for the last 30 years but recently you have seemed to let me down and I am beginning to question your loyalty to me.
I will be the first to admit that you and I haven’t always had the best relationship. I was young and stupid and didn’t respect you. I took advantage of your services and got
‘burned’ in the process. I had no one to blame but myself. But a few years ago, I finally learned my lesson and trained myself to take proper precautions when we are together. I even learned your summer schedule to help make our relationship work better. Sounds weird I know, but I respect you and I want ‘us’ to work.
I know your work day is long and hard, at the peak of your busy season alone you go to work at 6am and don’t get home until almost 9 pm. Because of this I decided to wake up early and get
some yard work out of the way before your rush hours of 11am-5pm. I did what I’ve always done, waterproof 70 SPF sun block applied thick and rubbed in. At 8 am (I am not a morning person mind you..) I went out to mow. After an hour of sweating I decided to re-apply said sun block because at times you are temperamental and unforgiving. Everything was going well. I was happy, you were happy, my yard was happy. I thought we should celebrate. I went in, re-applied the sunblock for a 3rdtime and
headed out to the pool so you and I could relax and enjoy each other’s company. This is
where you turned on me. 1 hour. All I asked for was 1 hour of peaceful swimming. Not only am I burnt practically everywhere, but my lip looks like I have a poorly rated plastic surgeon on speed dial. My dogs don’t recognize me and simple activities like walking, standing or going to the restroom have become impossible.
It would be one thing if I threw the rules out the window and went outside unprotected and crazy, but that’s not the case. I did my part, I followed the rules and I still got burned. This is unacceptable and extremely distressing for a loyal, frequent friend to experience such poor service.
I enjoy your presence, I really do. Overall the warmth and vitamin D you provide makes me feel whole and complete. I don’t want to fight. I will be vacationing next week in Florida, and I plan to spend a lot of time with you. I’m prepared to keep up my end of the deal, I hope you will too.