Halloween Costumes For the Pratical Adult

Well ladies and gentlemen, we did it. Another All-Hallows Eve is upon us. What, if at all, do I dress up as this year? In my research for Halloween greatness I have found there to be several categories for casual dress up and yet I seem to fit in none of them (story of my life). Let us explore these unwanted categories together, shall we.

Category 1: Family friendly dress up

Kids make dressing up on Halloween socially accepted and more fun when you are an adult. But, unless you can find a way to get my 24 lb. cat with a mood disorder (isn’t that all cats though?) to stay in a monkey costume for longer than 5 seconds, this category doesn’t apply to me sadly.

Category 2: Night of The Living Inappropriate

Dead sexy or I guess ‘sexy dead’ seems to be the go-to theme for Halloween parties in your 20/30s. Sexy dead nurse, sexy dead nun, sexy dead road kill, wait what?! I’m past my 20’s and last time I checked, a beat-up ground hog wearing a bikini with bronzer and highlighter wasn’t my idea of a good time.  (For the record I never visited this costume phase. I Did not pass go and did not collect 200$).

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Category 3: Couple or Group Costume

Salt & pepper, bacon & eggs, and Barbie and Ken. The more the merrier right? Wrong. This was the category for me until I remembered that all my friends live 1000 miles away and the chances of getting my husband to dress up as Barbie while I steal the show as Ken, is slim to none.

So where does this leave me? None of the above-mentioned costumes or themes speak to me. I must take matters into my own hands and create a whole new category;

Category 4: Just trying to survive life

In this category, we will explore in more depth the parts of life that are truly horrifying but don’t get enough ‘street cred’ in the costume department.

  1. Dress up as your favorite expensive bra (because this stuff only happens to the expensive ones), but instead of an “even horizon”, one side is drooping, and the other side is now stabbing you with a wire that was once your supportive friend. Bump up the scary factor a few notches by snapping off two of the four hooks and twisting  the strap around five times.
  2. Dress up as your esophagus after making the dumb decision of eating pizza after 8 p.m. For an added bonus, hold up an empty bottle of tums and a clock that says 4 a.m.
  3. Dress up as a tube of toothpaste that has been manhandled by a family of 5. There is still plenty of toothpaste left, but due to the unorganized pattern of which it was squeezed, it has been rendered useless. Extra scary points if you can lose the cap and add a stray beard hair…or 3.
  4. Dress up as the mysterious red blinking LED light that is always invisible during the day when you can do something about it, but at night when you are trying to sleep and don’t have a sledge hammer handy, becomes a beacon of hope for wayward gnats and moths everywhere. Add a high pitch hum or whirring sound to elevate this look to a whole new level.
  5. Dress up as a questionably sticky surface. Did a cat throw up here? Did a toddler just recklessly eat cotton candy? Perhaps a family of 12 just had pancakes. The point is, we don’t know why it’s sticky, and worse yet, there isn’t a clean towel or drop of water to be found anywhere. Insert cold shudder and sour face here.

There you have it folks, five scary costume ideas for the practical adult. Let me know below what you are dressing up as, unless it’s a sexy dead ground hog, I don’t have time for that here.

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Today on Dr. Phil: Sibling Rivalry after 30..

Ten days, well, a year and ten days if you want to be specific. That’s what separates my brother and I, at least in terms of age. We technically missed the term of “Irish twins” by two hands worth of fingers, which is ok, because we aren’t really twins in any other category either.

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William, my brother, is the older, wiser sibling. Not that it was a competition or anything, (I think both parties need to be aware of the race for it to count) but he was always 1 step ahead of me in every category. If you are not already singing, “anything you can do, I can do better” in your head than you should be.

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William is taller than me, skinnier than me, had an honors diploma in high school, went to a “Big 10 College” (mine was more like a Big 10 sometimes college) and for the love of everything Holy, he always knew how to hook up my TV, DVD player and VCR up in a way that allowed them all to work properly. I still don’t know how to do that one.

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What are my “I can do anything better than you” moments you ask? Well, I learned our home phone number and address before him and made sure his preschool teacher Miss Anita knew about it. I can recite on command (although it’s a talent that is almost never requested) any theme song or useless commercial jingle from memory, and I did not hijack and wreck our Mom’s rider lawn mower in a “drive your tractor to school day” stunt in high school.

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We were not bad kids by any means. In fact, if you measure and rate the overall behavior of siblings by the number of times the police or fire departments were called, we were perfect angels. We did, however, have our fair share of fights and arguments that either ended with one person (William) locked in a bedroom, or a 3 way scream match via the phone to my mom’s office.

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These post school phone calls were conducted like a trial by jury. William and I would race off the bus, pick up a phone and dial our mom who would be expecting us. We did this so many times that even now, 20 years later, I still know her office number by heart. (765-569-3156 if you are wondering) We would each plead our case over her speaker phone as to why the other was in the wrong and my mom’s co-workers, all standing around her desk, would chuckle and tell us to leave each other alone and go to our room until the referee (mom) got home.

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Sometimes this would work but since I was built more like a lineman for the Chicago Bears and he was built more like the president of the chess club, I could pick a fight and usually secure a victory. Thanks again not only to my football physique but also to an incorrectly installed door knob that allowed me to lock his door from the outside. Although, William might have been on to something there. Why stay out in the living room and fight an annoying little sister when you can just “let” her win, and let her lock you in the room and finally gain the peace and quiet you longed for to begin with. Dang it.

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Anyways, I digress. William also flew the coop way before me as well. Now, I understand that this was bound to happen because he is in fact older than me, but it was like he flipped a switch over night and was suddenly an adult.  He got a “real” cell phone (none of that prepaid stuff) in 11th grade, which was rare back in the day, he bought his own car and car insurance years and I do mean years, before me and he even joined the Army National Guard so he could pay for college without any help from our mom. While I did pay for my college degree, my mom did buy me my first car my sophomore year of college and kept me on her car insurance until I got married. (Thank you mommy).

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So, what is this all about? While I admit that this does sound like an application to be on a dysfunctional episode of Dr. Phil, it is in reality, a poorly written letter of gratitude to my brother who is celebrating is 32nd birthday today. Even though it seems that I have painted a jealousy tinted portrait of sibling rivalry, I have more or less outlined all the ways William has pushed me to be a better version of myself and while sometimes I have fallen short of his bench mark, it is the race, imaginary or not, that keeps me going!

The phone calls we share today are no longer mini episodes of “The People’s Court” but more like two friends catching up at the end, or at the beginning, of a busy week. We tell jokes that makes the other laugh, give tv show recommendations, brag or complain about our pets and vent about the current stresses in our life.

I’m not sure when the switch was flipped, and we went from being siblings to friends, I’m just glad that it happened because I honestly don’t have the energy to lock you in your room any more. Enjoy your birthday and the next 10 days of being “2ish” years older than me!

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Saying Goodbye {ish} To an Old Friend….

NOLANVILLE- It is with great sadness that I must announce the untimely passing of my 2nd favorite pair of black strappy sandals, Sandy. They were also known as: “you know, the black and tan ones” to friends and family. They passed over to the big shoe box in the sky on August 31, 2018. They were only a year old.

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Born in April 2014 in China to parents Kali Footwear and Amazon Inc., Sandy was later adopted by on May 9, 2017, by Jennifer Shidler an avid online shopper and flip flop enthusiast. She survives.  Screen Shot 2018-09-01 at 11.32.59 PM

Sandy lived a modest life in Texas where she would spend her free time under the couch, under the coffee table or under towels in the bathroom. She did not work (something about flip flops not allowed in the work place) but loved to travel and enjoyed going through TSA checkpoints with ease. Her recent and most memorable trips include Florida, Chicago, Colorado and San Francisco.

 

Outside of traveling, Sandy enjoyed short walks on the hot Texas pavement, hiding from her dogs, Wrigley and Lucy, and accompanying Jennifer to her pedicures.

Sandy had no children of her own but cherished the friendship she had with Jennifer and knew her ‘sole’ purpose was to protect and shield her. Sandy once walked over broken glass for Jennifer, another time bravely taking an exacto knife to the head.

 

Sandy had an identical twin, Mandy, and while they didn’t always see eye to eye or toe to toe to, Mandy always encouraged Sandy to keep one foot ahead of the other. Mandy stayed by Sandy’s side to the very end but passed shortly after Sandy, realizing her purpose in life was no more.

Sandy was preceded in death by a pair of silver strapy sandals, a pair of white Nike’s and the left half of Jennifer’s favorite cat slippers.

A celebration of live will be held Monday September 3rd. Family and friends are encouraged to attend and share stories, poems and memories of their time with Sandy. Cremation was originally chosen but do to current burn ban restrictions in Texas, a traditional shoe box burial will be carried out instead with arrangements entrusted to Hefty and Sons.

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The Shidler’s ask that in leu of flowers, memorial donations be made in the form of Amazon gift cards, so more flip flops can be purchased in Sandy’s memory.

 

 

Quiz Me Friday: Guess The Song Edition

Hey Guys! It is Friday which means the weekend is upon us! Also upon us, is another “cliff notes” video for your non-reading pleasure!

Today, my husband has me play “guess the song”

Disclaimer: I have never and will never claim to be a good singer. With that said, I would NOT recommend watching this video with earbuds in and volume up high..unless tone deaf and off key is your kind of thing 😉

What kind of quiz should we do next week? Let me know in the comments 🙂

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Hoarding {ish} With Jennifer

This week on “Hoarding: Buried Alive” we follow Jennifer, a 30-year old office supply hoarder from Central Texas who is in over her head in ink and pencil shavings….

Ok, so, my hoard doesn’t require 10 dump trucks, an organizational specialist and a therapist (although, I’m not counting this one out just yet lol…), but it is a bit aggressive for someone who graduated from college 8 years ago and barely takes notes or writes by hand anymore. (Hey Apple notes, how you doin’?)

So how did this great gathering all start? Well, you see I tend to have anxiety and panic attacks (yep, newsflash, I’m far from perfect) and instead of dealing with those feelings in a normal or at least productive way, I decided to go from room to room, drawer to drawer on a mad woman search for every pen, marker and pencil that I could find.

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You see, earlier that day I stopped at the store to get school supplies for a local donation box, and like the junkie I am, couldn’t resist from procuring a few extra supplies for my own stash. Nothing too “hard”, just some pens, pencils, a fresh box of crayons (swoon) a journal and an electric pencil sharpener.

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You can smell this picture, can’t you!

I thought my personal ‘back to school haul’ would ease the anxious feelings that were creeping up. Nope. In fact, when I sat at my desk ready to unbox and introduce my new beauties, I realized that I had made a silly impulse purchase that wasn’t going to make me feel any better.  This crummy feeling only multiplied when I remembered  that I had plenty of pens in the drawer inches from my hand. Those pens, just like Andy’s toys in Toy Story, sit there hopping that the next time I go to grab a writing instrument that they would be the “chosen” one.

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From there it escalated. In an attempt to establish some sort of “reasoning” (AKA denial) I decided that I would replace the “bad” pens with the 12 new ones. I grabbed a note pad and a stack of pens and began the test. It became obvious, that I had taken exceptionally good care of my pens and finding 12 misfits was going to be hard.

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Cut to an hour later, my house looked like it had been the target of FBI raid. Every drawer was open and rummaged through and contents of purses and bags were turned inside-out and emptied on the island in pursuit for errant office supplies. No nook or cranny was safe.

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Paid Re-enactment

When all was said and done I had rounded up quite the bounty.

9 legal pads (why legal?)

3 spiral notebooks

2 journal style notebooks

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140 {ish} pens, pencils, markers and highlighters

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Now, again, this particular hoard is not a ‘bring in the dump trucks’ type of situation, but when you take in to account that I do almost everything digitally and can only write with 1 hand…it is still a bit much. Especially since I have a bad habit of impulse purchases.

I decided it was time to let go, so I made an A team (those supplies worthy to sit at my desk) a B Team (those good enough to stay for use around the house) and the cut list. Those supplies still have a lot of life, but will find renewed existence in a new home.

A medium-sized box was quickly filled and placed curb side and with the help of a post on our neighborhoods Facebook page, the box was on to its new home within 15 minutes!

What is your shopping & hoarding weakness? Let me know in the comments below, maybe we can start a support group!

 

 

Quiz Me Friday: Basic Knowledge Edition

Hey Guys! It is Friday which means the weekend is upon us! Also upon us, is another “cliff notes” video for your non-reading pleasure!

Today, my husband quizzes me on basic knowledge ranging from music, history, science and brace yourselves, MATH. (and you thought my spelling was bad…)

Disclaimer: Not for the educationally squeamish or faint of heart..

Enjoy!

 

 

Getting Old {ish} With Jennifer

A few weeks ago we explored the possibilities of whether I, Jennifer, of 30 year old sound{ish} body and mind, am in fact an adult, or instead an adult in training (read that post here). I decided that half of the issue may be that I’ve never really “applied and interviewed” for the position of adulthood. Being married and having a mortgage just isnt enough.

So to whom it may concern, might I present to you my Resume to Be an Adult for your review and acceptance.