300 Writing Prompts # 11: What’s Your Morning Routine?

What are some of the first things you do when you wake up in the morning?

I’m not a morning person, but I don’t need to tell you that, you are about to come to that conclusion all on your own. Now, may I present to you a morning at the Shilder House.

  1. Try to figure out where the annoying sound is coming from
  2. Kick a cat or dog off my legs so that I can roll over to search for annoying sound
  3. Frantically searching night stand and floor for annoying sound
  4. Find annoying sound under my back because I fell asleep reading Wikipedia again.
  5. Hit snooze.
  6. Sleep for 8 more minutes
  7. Try to figure out where annoying sound is coming form
  8. Remove said pet from legs again
  9. Locate phone that is still in my hand
  10. Utilize quick math skills to calculate if there is enough time to hit snooze again
  11. Terrible math skills wake me up enough to realize I need to get up.
  12. Look at phone notifications from Text/Facebook/Wordpress/Cnn while avoiding anything that says Trump, shutdown or wall
  13. Spend 2 mins trying to remember what Dr. appointment mom has that day
  14. Reassemble all hair that has fallen out of my pony tail and put it back
  15. Let dogs out for potty break
  16. Feed the overly dramatic cat before he goes on strike
  17. Potty break
  18. Re-evaluate whether I have time to go back to sleep for a minute
  19. Brush teeth
  20. Let dogs back in
  21. Get half way dressed
  22. Lay down In bed with clothes on until 2 minutes before we need to leave
  23. Swear to myself that I will go to bed at a reasonable hour tonigh.

You would think that at the age 31 I would be past the whole “But I don’t want to get up yet” tantrum, but yet here I am, rocking it.

So, Tell me readers, What does your morning routine look like?

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Just A Quick Thought….

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I think my mom would do great in prison…..

Now, before you jump to conclusions, not now, or will she ever be in prison. She is one of the most honest and sweetest people you could meet, but I witnessed something today that is oddly reminiscent of an episode of LockUp. (An MSNBC docu-series that follows real life prisoners all over the country)

My mom is the mastermind behind an influential bartering ring at her Dialysis center. Instead of trading honey buns for extra pillows or the better bunk, she’s making deals with tootsie rolls and salami sandwiches (yeah, I’m not kidding).

What does she get in return? I haven’t figured it out yet. As she rolled around the room making her rounds, one person slipped her 5 dollars (for more candy on Saturday I think) while the others gave her a Godfather type nod as if there was an unsaid mutual understanding (could be a thank you, but I think this goes deeper).

I haven’t decided yet if I should be worried, or a proud (silent) investor. I’ll keep monitoring the situation and report back with my findings.

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It’s always the quiet ones….

The Late Show With Jennifer Shidler Presents: Top Ten Blogs of 2018..

At the beginning of the year I saw several posts from other bloggers, listing their most viewed posts of 2018. Well, I’m about 10 days late to the party, but I enjoyed reading through their lists and thought this was another way to give my new readers some insight on what you can expect to find here ( No suprise, it’s all satire). So join me as we count down my top ten and prove once again that I’m a trend follower and not a trend starter 😉

Car Shopping {ish} With Jennifer:

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We spent 2 months shopping and then 8 hours in the dealership the day of (insert eye roll here). So, in this particular post I take you along on our latest car buying experience where I outline 6 factors every person should follow when buying a car. None of which my husband found slightly relevant.

A Christmas Poem:

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Honestly this is one of my favorite things I’ve written, and even though it was written with only 7 days left in 2018, it still made it to #2. I thought it would be cute to bake my first pie from scratch the day before Christmas, and well…it didn’t end the way I thought it would. I expressed my anger artfully and wrote a poem to the rhythm of “The Night Before Christmas.” I had way more fun writing the poem then baking or eating the pie.

Halloween Costumes for the Practical Adult:

Halloween Costumes

Fueled by my hatred of what adult’s wear as Halloween costumes these days…aka anything with the word “sexy” in front of it, I outlined 4 Halloween categories that I felt were truly unrepresented and should honestly frighten any adult.

Quiz Me Friday: Spelling Edition:

Spelling Edition

This blog post was actually a video, and whether you’ve just started following me, or have been here since 2012, you will know that I am terrible at spelling. We thought it would be fun for my husband to give me a basic, and I mean basic, spelling test. It was humiliating but fun!

I’m Offically a Texan Y’all:

Becoming a TExan

This post is me losing my mind after the verified HEB (a popular Texas grocery store chain for you non-Texans) Facebook and Instagram account commented on a post I made about them. This post is an exaggerated announcement that the grocery store chain and I are now best friends for ever and by doing so, cementing my status as a true Texan and not a Hoosier (an Indiana term 😉 )

Pet Grooming {ish} With Jennifer:

IMG_2318Oh! Another one of my favorites to write, not one of my favorites to experience however! If you have curious cats and use wax warmers in your house, you will want to read this one, so you know what to do in the event your cat tries to give himself a spa treatment. Fur and wax do NOT go together.

Cinema {ish} With Jennifer Toy Story:

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In this post I dissected the American Film Institute’s #99 movie Toy Story, but since we have all seen this million at least a dozen times, I used this  time to write a brief case study on Sid from Toy Story. Active imagination or pre-teen psychopath in training? I encourage you to read this and re-watch toy story with an open mind and decide for yourself.

Getting Old {ish} With Jennifer:

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After I turned 30 last year I still felt like I wasn’t considered an adult, so I thought if I applied for the job of adult and submitted a resume then maybe I would be hired. Still waiting for the acceptance letter, but the resume is still up for your approval or disapproval!

My Quarter Life Crisis Bucket List:

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To piggy back off of the previous post, for my 31st birthday I was still not feeling too much like an adult, so I made a small bucket lists of things I want to accomplish before my 32nd birthday. If you are new to my blog you may already be familiar with this theme as I have posted an update to how my list is coming along.

The Ants Go Marching 1 by 1, Hurrah! Hurrah!

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Another one of my favorites. This spring (like every spring) we found ourselves with a bit of an ant problem. I took my annoyance to a satirical approach (like usual) and decided to turn my kitchen sink into a vacation destination for the ant community. I made a flyer and advertised like this was a Sandals resort in Jamaica.

So there you are, the top ten posts I wrote in 2018 as voted by WordPress views. I had alot of fun writing them, hopefully you have/had fun reading them!

 

300 Writing Prompts #10: What is Something You Purchased Used?

Listen, I’m a frugal gal who likes to stick to a budget, so if I can get a steal of a deal, I will. Below are some of my favorite items I have acquired 2nd hand.

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Every car I’ve ever owned! I imagine this will be a common response among people. The second you drive a new car off the lot it will depreciate by as much as 11% of its value, and can lose up to 30% in the first year (I googled that info. I’m not that smart I promise..) Now I’m not good with math or numbers…but 30% seems like a lot especially since no one drives cars until they die like people did when I was little. If you have the money to buy a brand-new car without a loan more power to you, but if you search and find a good deal on a used car that won’t let you down then WOOOHOOO!

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Books, lots and lots of books! Even in college at the book store (or on ebay) I would hunt out the used books first. Now, as an adult and avid reader, I get a thrill from digging through the shelves of used book stores as well as Goodwill! I wanted a book at Barnes and Noble the other day, 18.99. Found it at a local bookstore for 4.50. “But Jennifer, the spine will already be bent and worn…” Um, what do you think I’m going to do to it? Read it with white gloves and turn the pages with tweezers? I read in bed, in the pool and in the bathtub, that book isn’t going to know what hit it when I’m done with it!

My Pets! This sounds weird, but stick with me on this one. Every pet I have had has been rescued by us or adopted from rescues. For one reason or another their original owners realized they couldn’t take care of their sweet faces anymore and humanely surrender them to shelters. We came along, fell in love and brought them home where they are showered with kisses and treats daily.

So tell me readers, what is something you purchased used?

 

 

 

 

 

300 Writing Prompts # 9: How Would You Improve Airplane Travel?

Oh I am SOOOO glad this question has come up, because I travel by air frequently and one of my biggest pet peeves in life takes place at airports, and it’s not the size of the pretzel/peanut bags they give us either. Let’s dive into this topic, shall we.

All people in the terminal will be strapped in to their seats once they arrive to their gate. When, and ONLY when their boarding group is called, will the seat belts be unlocked, and passengers will be allowed to stand in a single file line to have their ticket scanned to board the plane.

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I don’t know if it’s the inability for 200 adults to follow simple directions or the traffic jam that is caused when everyone surrounds the boarding line like a football huddle, but I become filled with rage every time I fly. I mean, how hard is it? Look at your ticket, find your boarding group number, sit and relax and until the number on your ticket matches the number the gate agent has called out. They aren’t going to leave you behind if you’re at the right gate, and it’s not like your seat is going anywhere. (Double check first if you are flying United..) We all have tickets for the same flight and each of us has our own seat as well.

Also, I’m sure every major airline has conducted studies and focus groups on the best ways to load its passengers and have trained their flight crew to follow the best practice. Trust the process, they know what they are doing (most of the time).

Annoying traveler: “But Jennifer, I need to make sure I get on the plane before the overhead bin is full I only have carry-on luggage…”

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Well annoying air traveler, I understand your concern, and this is a risk we all take when not checking luggage. If this is a recurring issue for you, try investing in a suitcase that fits underneath the seat in front of you, they make them now for this specific purpose and they are great. Also, worst case scenario, if the bins are full they will courtesy check your bag and it will go to your final destination or will be waiting on you when you get off the plane.

 

There you have it folks, my suggestion to all the airlines. I think they would also agree how frustrating it is when people don’t listen to directions and crowd the boarding area. Someone just needs to take matters into their own hands and “tighten the buckle”

What is something you would change to improve air travel, let me know below!

 

 

 

In Memory of Rowdy Shidler

If you read Tuesdays “300 Writing Prompt” entry (read it here), you will know that we recently had to put our beloved cat Rowdy to sleep. Today I share his obituary that is every bit as sassy  and silly as he was.

Rowdy Roo Shidler

Spring 2010 – December 17, 2018

Rowdy Roo Shidler, 10, of Nolanville Texas, drifted peacefully into eternal sleep on December 17, 2018 while surrounded by his family. Rowdy was born in Terre Haute Indiana in the early spring of 2010.

He was an aspiring medical helicopter pilot, but his dream was cut short when it was discovered he was a recovering catnip addict. He was later adopted in June 2010 by newlyweds Matthew and Jennifer Shidler. They survive.

Rowdy was a proud ‘spirited’ cat with a passion for attacking ankles unprovoked and hissing without being spoken to. He followed the typical cat rulebook to a T, never deviating from standard protocol once.

img_1112He was a loving and protective big brother to Mosby. The two could often be found rough housing, giving each other baths, chasing each other through the house at 3 a.m. and getting into other general mischief.

Rowdy was known by all to have a sophisticated pallet, often dinning on the finest hair ties, shoe laces and most exotic yarns he could get his paws on. If something didn’t meet his standards, he was not afraid to let you know, often at 3 a.m. and in the middle of a well-traveled pathway.

While never having the chance to be a father his self, (a major mix up at the veterinary

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office he always claimed) Rowdy took on the role of “Father Figure” with pride when his parents adopted two deformed and untrained cats, Lucy and Wrigley. He made it his personal mission to turn the two into functioning cats, but unfortunately never saw his dreams come to fruition.

Rowdy will be dearly missed but never forgotten. All that were blessed with the opportunity to feed him or with the rare opportunity to pet him un-harmed, know that their lives are forever changed.

Rowdy is survived by his loving parents, Matthew and Jennifer Shidler. Brothers, Mosby and Wrigley and little sister Lucy. Other family members include his Aunt Jonie Shidler, Estel & Cindy Shidler and Carla Kilburn.

A celebration of life was privately held at his residence December 24, 2018. Guests shared stories, pictures and passed around his favorite balls of yarn.

A GoFundMe has been created in Rowdy’s name to raise funds for Catnip for underprivileged inner city cats.

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Just a Quick Thought

I was working on Wednesdays blog post and came across a small promblem…I couldnt spell purpose right to save my life. One of these days I will spell ‘Purpose’ right on the first try instead of ‘Porpoises’…..until that day comes, if you are reading something I have written, just assume I’m talking about something that is intentional and not a small aquatic mammal… unless I write a blog about whales on porpoise (see what I did there..). If I do write that blog, just reguard this message! 😉