This is an easy question, so easy that I have no idea why so many adults are fighting over this honor when the answer should be clear. I think that the next president of the United States of America should be Doug Foreman, from Austin, Texas.
“But Jennifer, I have never heard of this man before, what does he bring to the table that the many before him have not?”
Well dear polite reader, the answer is simple. Doug Foreman has invented a way to spray legitimate stick butter on anything that will stand still long enough to be butterized, and it is a thing of beauty folks. See it HERE.
“But Jennifer, are there not other products that offer spray butter such as ‘PAM’ and ‘I Cant Believe its not butter?’ Why him? Why his product?”
Thats a great question, thanks for asking. Those items you mentioned are simply not butter…(heres a hint, one even tells you in their product name its not butter….) and Doug has really hit the cow fat out of the park with his invention.
“Ok Jennifer, but is this really a standard we can really afford to use for deciding the next leader of the free world?”
Are you serious!? How can we afford to ‘not’ have this kind of genius running the country? Do you know how many family arguments, divorces even, that have resulted from the stress of crumbs being left behind in your average tub of butter? I’m a child of a divorce, and I while I can’t say for certain thats what brought my family crashing down around me, I can’t help but wonder if it could have all been avoided.
Doug developed this ‘family saving machine’ on his own, just think what he can do with near unlimited funds (hello 4.8 trillion budget!), top secret R & D labs and Congressional backing.
DOUG FOREMAN 2020 “A BUTTER CHOICE FOR A BUTTER FUTURE”
Who would you want to run for President? Leave your answer below!
*disclaimer, I have not used this product and I’m not entirely sure if Doug still makes it…but I was scraping crumbs out of my “I can’t believe its not butter” tub this morning ready to rage through it across the room when this post popped in to my mind. Hopefully it made you laugh as we can all use a laugh right now 🙂