Vanity Thy Name Is Colgate

This past week I have found myself a bit of a nomad. I went from Texas to Chicago for a few days and then from Chicago to Lafayette Indiana, for a few days more. Because I am a responsible cheap traveler, I try to fit as much as I can in a carry on bag with limited liquid and gels. Usually I can make it a whole trip with my rationed toiletries but this trip I was off my A game and must have gotten slap happy with the soap and was out of shower gel on my last night. Since I was about to spend the next 34 hours crammed into a metal tube with LOTS of other people on a cross country (ish) train trip, I thought it best not to skip this essential part of my bathing routine. (you are welcome riders of Amtrak Texas Eagle). 

Thankfully, my sister in law is a wonderful hostess and her guest bathroom has a wonderful jar of toiletries for the guest to use. I removed the lid and stuck my hand inside and pulled out a bar of soap. Huzzah! The day is saved! Interestingly enough, I had also grabbed a sample of a charcoal face mask on accident and in an moment of weakness, I decided to be ‘extra’ and partake in a little spa moment while I took my pre-bed time shower. So I cracked open the package, squeezed out the charcoal contents and applied it to my face. 

Do you know that scene from Home Alone where Kevin slaps the aftershave on his cheeks and then immediately regrets all his life choices and screams? Well, add longer hair, better manners and about 250 lbs and you’ve got me. Without asking you to picture me in the shower (we all have our boundaries), just consider the scenario. I’m in a bathroom thats not mine, using elf sized toiletries, blind because my glasses are on the counter and I’m about 75% sure my face is melting off. I can’t really yell because there is a sleeping baby in the room next door and ultimatly my brother is going to be the one to investigate my blood curdling screams and we are about 30 years past the acceptable age to see your sibling in the buff. 

My first thought is, ok, I’m either doing something wrong or I’m allergic. Either way, I grabbed the tiny little package to inspect the ingredients and directions. No directions could be found anywhere. Who doesn’t put directions on a package involving skin care?! After a rather loud “seriously!!” came out of my mouth I flipped the package over. And there it was, plain as day.

 “Hello: Fluoride Free Whitening Toothpaste Activated Charcoal with Fresh Mint and Coconut oil” 

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In my desire to glow like Snow White, I took it upon myself to spread toothpaste all over myself. No wonder there were no directions. Toothpaste is pretty self explanatory. It involves no lessons and while pretty harmless, it does not belong on your face no matter how pretty you want to look!

 

Published by Jennifer Shidler

I am a Hoosier at heart who has moved to the heart of Texas with my husband Matthew, our cats Rowdy & Mosby and our dogs Lucy & Wrigley. Matthew is a Chief Flight instructor at a flight school in Austin and I care for my mother full time and write random thoughts and posts in between. I started writing this blog as a way to keep people back home updated on our lives here in Texas, and has turned into a way to relax, think and to make others laugh!

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