New Year’s Resolutions I Should Make, But Won’t…..

…..Because I know better

Well folks, it’s that time of the year where everyone likes to get serious, dig down deep into their soul and pick at their flaws like a teenager with pimples.  The good news for you is, I don’t do serious, reflective writing and am a firm believer that pimples should be popped in the comfort and privacy of one’s own home!

So, today we are going to discuss the resolutions I should make, but won’t because I know a losing battle when I see one.

  • Stop posting every thought that comes to my mind. Example: Not everyone wants to know that my dog, cat and husband kept me up snoring all night, and they certainly don’t need audio and visual proof.
  • Stop threating to make my husband sleep on the couch every time he drives slow in the left lane.
  • Stop forcing passengers in my car to listen to whatever song I am currently obsessed with on repeat for weeks on end.
  • Stop waiting to put gas in the car before the display screen replaces the speed with a picture of a gas pump and the words LOW FUEL.
  • Stop strategically planning what car my husband drives based off of fuel needs.
  • Stop kicking the ice that falls out of the ice maker under the fridge.
  • Stop negativaly judging people when they say the 2nd Willy Wonka is better than the 1st
  • Stop making fun of mesothelioma commercials
  • Stop reading the plots to movies ahead of time on IMDb
  • Stop judging people who defend Nickelback
  • Stop trying to trick my dogs into thinking that I stole their ears.
  • Stop watching the Sound of Music on repeat.
  • Stop passing gas and blaming it on the dogs or rogue indoor geese
  • Stop rolling my eyes when 20 something’s say words like “iconic” and “relatable”

So tell me readers, what is a New Year’s resolution you should make, but won’t because you know better.

 

See you in 2019!

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2 Comments

  1. peckapalooza

    Some thoughts…

    First of all, never feel guilty for judging ANYONE who claims the Willy Wonka remake is better than the original. Those are people who have made terrible life decisions and should not be trusted with any important responsibilities from here on out.

    You can keep making fun of mesothelioma commercials all you want. Just as long as I can keep making fun of the old people in the motorized scooter commercials.

    People defending Nickelback belong in the same category as the Willy Wonka remake fans.

    Also, do not feel bad about watching The Sound of Music on repeat. That’s how I feel about Back to the Future.

    The only resolution I can think of that I want to make is to start blocking everyone on Facebook who make political posts or just make negative comments about others in general. But then I figure I’ll only have about 4 people showing up in my newsfeed by the time I get to February. I should actually resolve to just eliminate Facebook from my life. But I still like using it to promote the blog… vicious cycle. So, no resolutions for me.

    Your line, “I know a losing battle when I see one,” reminded me of a quote from Barney on How I Met Your Mother. I may actually use it in relation to resolutions as a clever Facebook post tomorrow. I don’t know what Barney was actually referring to, but he said, “It’s the same reason I don’t recycle. I know a lost cause when I see one.”

    Happy New Year!

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