The following poem is based on semi true events….
One day I’ll share the full story of what happened that fateful night, but only when my therapist gives me the ok.
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, flour was everywhere, mostly down my blouse.
The pie crust was flung over the pan without care in hopes that salmonella would not be there.
The puppies had burrowed down deep in the chair, burying their noses from what smelled like burnt hair
And Matthew with the fire extinguisher and I with the water, while mom’s in the corner screaming “Why even bother!!”
When out of the alarm there arose annoying chatter, I hit it with the broom to shut it up faster
Away to the oven we flew like a flash, tore open the garbage pail, because this pies now trash
The smoke in the kitchen had begun to grow, just the cherry on top of this Christmas sh*t show
When, what to my watery eyes should I see, a pristine frozen pie baked by Sara Lee
With the oven still on I knew pretty quick, I could salvage this Christmas like a pig with lipstick
The pie was in one piece, who cares it’s not cherry, “just don’t burn it this time, this is our last Hail Mary”
The timer was set, I wound it myself, “if they want a fresh pie next year they can bake it their self.”
As the buzzer went off no one batted an eye, hope Santa doesn’t mind the taste of mincemeat pie.