…..Because I know better
Well folks, it’s that time of the year where everyone likes to get serious, dig down deep into their soul and pick at their flaws like a teenager with pimples. The good news for you is, I don’t do serious, reflective writing and am a firm believer that pimples should be popped in the comfort and privacy of one’s own home!
So, today we are going to discuss the resolutions I should make, but won’t because I know a losing battle when I see one.
- Stop posting every thought that comes to my mind. Example: Not everyone wants to know that my dog, cat and husband kept me up snoring all night, and they certainly don’t need audio and visual proof.
- Stop threating to make my husband sleep on the couch every time he drives slow in the left lane.
- Stop forcing passengers in my car to listen to whatever song I am currently obsessed with on repeat for weeks on end.
- Stop waiting to put gas in the car before the display screen replaces the speed with a picture of a gas pump and the words LOW FUEL.
- Stop strategically planning what car my husband drives based off of fuel needs.
- Stop kicking the ice that falls out of the ice maker under the fridge.
- Stop negativaly judging people when they say the 2nd Willy Wonka is better than the 1st
- Stop making fun of mesothelioma commercials
- Stop reading the plots to movies ahead of time on IMDb
- Stop judging people who defend Nickelback
- Stop trying to trick my dogs into thinking that I stole their ears.
- Stop watching the Sound of Music on repeat.
- Stop passing gas and blaming it on the dogs or rogue indoor geese
- Stop rolling my eyes when 20 something’s say words like “iconic” and “relatable”
So tell me readers, what is a New Year’s resolution you should make, but won’t because you know better.