Dear Sun, Why do you hate me? A letter of complaint by Jennifer

Dear Sun, center of our solar system and light of our lives:

I know you may not know me, but my name is Jennifer I am from the great state of Texas and I like to find myself in your presence as much as I possibly can. You have been there for me when I have needed you the most. Baseball games, at the beach, you even attended my wedding. You have been a big part of my life for the last 30 years but recently you have seemed to let me down and I am beginning to question your loyalty to me.

I will be the first to admit that you and I haven’t always had the best relationship. I was young and stupid and didn’t respect you. I took advantage of your services and got

The Sun Hates me
Ghost of Sunburns Past

‘burned’ in the process. I had no one to blame but myself. But a few years ago, I finally learned my lesson and trained myself to take proper precautions when we are together. I even learned your summer schedule to help make our relationship work better. Sounds weird I know, but I respect you and I want ‘us’ to work.

I know your work day is long and hard, at the peak of your busy season alone you go to work at 6am and don’t get home until almost 9 pm. Because of this I decided to wake up early and get

sunscreen
Paid re-enactment

some yard work out of the way before your rush hours of 11am-5pm. I did what I’ve always done, waterproof 70 SPF sun block applied thick and rubbed in. At 8 am (I am not a morning person mind you..) I went out to mow. After an hour of sweating I decided to re-apply said sun block because at times you are temperamental and unforgiving.  Everything was going well. I was happy, you were happy, my yard was happy. I thought we should celebrate. I went in, re-applied the sunblock for a 3rdtime and

 

headed out to the pool so you and I could relax and enjoy each other’s company. This is

IMG_1787 2
I regret Everything!

where you turned on me. 1 hour. All I asked for was 1 hour of peaceful swimming. Not only am I burnt practically everywhere, but my lip looks like I have a poorly rated plastic surgeon on speed dial. My dogs don’t recognize me and simple activities like walking, standing or going to the restroom have become impossible.

It would be one thing if I threw the rules out the window and went outside unprotected and crazy, but that’s not the case. I did my part, I followed the rules and I still got burned. This is unacceptable and extremely distressing for a loyal, frequent friend to experience such poor service.

I enjoy your presence, I really do. Overall the warmth and vitamin D you provide makes me feel whole and complete. I don’t want to fight. I will be vacationing next week in Florida, and I plan to spend a lot of time with you. I’m prepared to keep up my end of the deal, I hope you will too.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Shidler, The Lobster Lady.

 

Advertisements

Fashion {ish} With Jennifer

Fashion {ish}

IMG_1738
TR 2006 Class Clowns

The phrase “There appears to have been a struggle” comes to mind when describing my fashion sense. I have never and will never claim to be a fashionista. If you dug out my senior yearbook right now, you would not see me listed under the best dressed category.  In fact, the only section you will find me under is class clown, which oddly enough not only describes my winning personality but my train wreck fashion concept as well.

Back then (and now really) I would describe my fashion sense as meeting the minimum requirements. And no, I am not talking ‘minimum’ as in coming to school with daisy dukes, crop top and flip flops (Lord help us all with the imagine we now have floating in our head). Thankfully, fabric coverage was not an issue.

On any typical day you would see me in pants which were sometimes jeans but mostly athletic type pants even though my M.O. was more closely aligned with

The Infamous Hoodie
Trusty hoodie & tragic bangs

‘fake an illness to get out of PE’ than to be a participant on any kind of sports team. Shoes—if they would have let me go barefoot I would have, but #rules. A t-shirt with either the school mascot, (Go Warriors!) The Beatles or the Cubs. I would top this look off with my Relient K hoodie which I still have and still looks like it was worn every day for 3 years straight (because it was).

25
I will wear it hear and wear it there I will wear it everywhere

The hoodie was multi-functional. It served as a pillow in classes where I could catch a nap (after my homework was completed of course). It kept me warm in classes that lacked the best heat in the Indiana winter. It helped me sneak in whatever banned item that I felt I just absolutely needed in class, although for the life of me I can’t remember what I would have needed. (It couldn’t have been a cell phone because not many of us had them yet) But If we are being completely honest here (this is my web page and I pronounce this a judgement free zone) the hoodie meant that I did not need have to wear a bra.

By the grace of God these items would match every once in a while, but most days you might assume that I got dressed in a small closet with the light off 5 minutes before running out the door to catch the bus. Those assumptions would be correct by the way.

College and dorm life did not help my fashion decisions at all. My 7:30 am freshman journalism professor told us on day 1 that she understood that her class was an early one and if having near perfect attendance throughout the whole the semester meant letting us crawl in the door at 7:25 with our pajamas and slippers still on, she was more than ok with that. (teeth brushing was non-negotiable as it should always be.) I took advantage of this generous request more times than I care to mention.

I think college only further confirmed my fondness with hoodies, and by sophomore year I was in a full blown committed relationship with one. (again, this is a

image1
New Hoodie, same unhealthy attachment

judgment free zone). Freshman year I bought a brown and teal overpriced hoodie (pictured on the right in various years of being worn) from the campus bookstore with left over textbook money I had. (as you can see my history of stellar decision-making skills goes wayyyy back) I wore that hoodie e-v-e-r-y-where. My room mates often joked that it would need to be surgically removed from my body (that is if it didn’t disintegrate first). In the end that hoodie and I had the last laugh. I bought that guy over 12 years ago and I still wear it as much as the Texas climate allows me to.

It wasn’t until I met a handsome, sweet guy in my junior marketing class, that I participated in a ritual that most girls practice and master while in high school. I believe the term ‘I have nothing to wear’ captures the mood best. I stood on a mountain of rejected clothes in front of a half-broken mirror propped up against my closet wall. I feverishly tried to learn the fashion rules that most learn in 4th grade (who says black pants and a brown shirt can’t go together anyways) in one night. Now, I can’t say for certain if my ultimate choice of pairing a pink empire wasted shirt with classic jeans was the reason why my now husband decided to ask me to marry him but I am sure it helped.

So where does that leave me now? I stated clearly at the beginning of this post that not now or ever have I claimed to be a fashionista, but I will say my fashion game has stepped up a little bit. (just a little bit) After analyzing pictures of myself from the last few years it appears that my fashion choices follow 4 clear guidelines.

1. Is it comfortable? I’m not saying that I should walk around daily in sweat pants and a hoodie just because it feels like a warm hug all day long, (although…that would be the dream) but in my mind Iimage1 (1) should be able to go a solid 8 hours of wear time before I have the urge to undress prematurely in any kind of way. I can think of several occasions where I have begun removing pieces of an outfit i.e. jacket, undershirt, bra (nope not kidding) because I simply could not take the torture anymore.  The only exception to this rule should be your wedding day and those times when your employer makes you dress up as the Easter Bunny (pictured on the right for your viewing pleasure) The kid and I in this picture had the exact same expression, mine was just hidden and lasted for 3 full 8 hour days.

2. Does it match? Gone are the days where my biggest concern was making sure I didn’t wear brown dress shoes with black dress pants. Now it seems with the popularity of Lularoe that pattern and print mixing is in. For most people this would seem like a no brainer, but yet here I am still seeking guidance from the powers that be on Pinterest trying to find out if certain items in my closet can be worn together. p.s. Pinterest says to wear small stripes with bold patterns or bold stripes with small patterns. One can safely assume that because of this I avoid most patterns and prints and stick with jeans and a black shirt. This way no one gets hurt.

3. Does it fit? This rule goes hand in hand

“Richard, what’s happening?!”

with rule number one and sadly the rule that took me the longest to learn. There should be no reason that I should have to lie down to let the laws of gravity aid me to fit into a pair of jeans. Nor should the jaws of life be needed to remove me from a pair of jeans after my body has become one with the skin tight material.  It is amazing the embarrassing moments one can avoid by making sure your clothes fit properly. (I’m looking at you, high school muffin top and plumbers crack)

4. Can I get by without wearing a bra?  We all have different rituals we practice when arriving home after a long day at work. Some people hang theirSee the source image coat up, put their keys on the hook, grab the mail or let their dogs outside. Well, my return home ritual is very similar except instead of hanging my coat up as soon as I walk in the door, I remove my bra. Now I know what some of you are thinking, “ but that is so un-lady like” and you may be right, but one has never experienced a joy as pure as coming home from a long day of work and removing the worlds most socially accepted torture device.  I know in most instances a bra is a best practice but if there is even a slight chance where I can get by without wearing a bra and not end up on the people of Wal-Mart website, you better believe it, I am there in a heart-beat.

I have been dressing myself on my own for at least the last 24 years and I think it is safe to say that progress has been made. I mean I’m not going to be featured on E!’s best dressed list any time soon but I also don’t see myself being arrested for indecent exposure either, what more could a girl ask for?

What are some of the fashion faux pas you are guilty of committing and what are some fashion rules you live by to this day? Leave them below and let me know I am not alone!

Thinking {ish} With Jennifer

IMG_1721

GET TO KNOW ME TAG: 30 QUESTIONS

A blogger friend of mine tagged me in a ‘getting to know you’ question challenge (I know I know, I have already done my fair share of these, what more could I have left to answer) and insisted I get back to posting sooner rather than later. In an effort to get back into the swing of things I will accommodate her request and bore you with 30 facts about myself. Enjoy.

Full name

Jennifer Lynne Shidler

Something I’m talented at

  1. I like to think I am good at making others feel comfortable and laugh, but mostly I am good at starting a blog, sticking with it for a solid two years and then dropping it like a bag of bricks for almost 3 years. 3 years, Holy Crap!! In that time I’ve adopted another dog. The Cubs have one a World Series. (yep, you read that right) We’ve elected a new President (sigh) and I’ve entered a whole new age bracket on most customer satisfaction surveys. Why hello group ’30-35′ not only are you my age group, but also my minute mile group.3 fears

Snakes, Spiders, losing an iCloud backup

3 things I love

Family, baseball, my 2 dogs

My best friend

My husband Matthew, you see, he brings me milk at night..and I love milk. Maybe Milk is my best friend? Nope, its Matthew, definitely Matthew. I think.

Last song I listened to

Beautiful World- Colin Hay

Likes

Humor, Cubs, Beaches (the movie and the sand kind)

Dislikes

Driving slow in the left lane, chewing loud, well fed cats begging for food at 4 am. The kitchen doesn’t open until 6 am my fat fury friends.

What color underwear I’m wearing right now

(this quiz is about to take a turn for the weird for a second and I apologize for that) I am not wearing any…and before you unsubscribe, vomit and throw your computer out the window, I am in a swim suit typing this pool side. So, lets re-focus/re-group and keep our eye on the prize, shall we?

The reason I started blogging

First off, I don’t know if I would call my ‘brand’ of writing “blogging” as it is more of an unorganized virtual diary of chaotic yet funny thoughts, but regardless of what I call it, it all began because the notes app on my phone always seemed to be full of my internal monologue. Little quips or thoughts that would come to me randomly when I was either alone or with people who wouldn’t appreciate my humor. The note section was getting long, so I decided to gather those thoughts in one area where people could come and go as they please.

Something I really want

Right now, a cold glass of unsweet Ice tea (that’s right..unsweet..keep your opinions to yourself. This is a safe zone)..but ask me again in a few hours and I guarantee this answer will be “someone to rub aloe vera all over my body”

My current relationship status

Married for 8 years

Meaning behind my URL

Actually, this is a funny story….. you see, it is my name.

My favorite movie

You’ve Got Mail. All day every day.

My favorite song

Currently: Seagulls (Stop it now)—A bad lip reading of Star Wars. This is the internet I signed up for.

My favorite band

Paul McCartney & Wings

3 Things that upset me

When people argue about politics, Trash talking about sports, when we are out of milk.

3 Things that make me happy

A great Thunderstorm, a great close ballgame that ends my way, fresh gallon of milk in the fridge.

Favorite TV show

Toss-up between Greys Anatomy, Scrubs & Roseanne

My favorite holiday

Baseball Opening Day

My closest High School Friend

Emily. Oh, the stories and the inside jokes!

A confession

While I want to visit every MLB stadium and plan to do so, (only 23 left to go) I enjoy the game more watching it from home or listening to it on the radio while sitting in my hammock.

3 Things that annoy me easily

Chewing loudly/gulping, Trash talking to provoke rage out of someone, repetitive tapping

 My pets

I have two dogs, Wrigley and Lucy and two cats, Rowdy and Mosby

One thing I’ve lied about

I lie to myself every night when I say “tomorrow, I am going to get up early, get the laundry and the dishes done eat a balanced breakfast and a sensible lunch all before I play with my toys in my craft room” one of these days it won’t be a lie. Until then, I will enjoy Lucky Charms at noon.

Something that’s currently worrying me

I just performed a solo of Hotel California from the hammock in the backyard…I thought I was alone, but it now appears that the neighbor children are laughing. Luckily the fence separates us, because I don’t have time for pictures and autographs.

My future goals

Realistically: Learn to play the piano, two new blog posts a week, finish all craft projects before taking on a new one, keeping car clean, bake a coconut cream pie

Un-Realistically: Learn to go to bed before 11pm and wake before 8 am, stop talking to the dogs in baby talk voice, stop biting my nails & wear matching socks

My favorite store

Amazon. The internet is a strange weird place, and Amazon delivers pieces of that strange weird place to my door in two days for free. #prime

My favorite food

It’s a tie between Mashed Potatoes and seafood boils with crab legs, shrimp

My Favorite Quote

“This is gonna be a tough play. Bryant… The Cubs… Win the World Series! Bryant makes the play! It’s over! And the Cubs have finally won it all! 8-7 in 10!” -Joe Buck