Memoirs from a Star Wars Virgin:Episode IV A New Hope

I was hoping that it wouldn’t have to come to this, but in an effort to become well versed in all things pop culture and because the 7th installment of this movie franchise will be out in less than a month, a new journey I must begin. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…..:( oh star wars i have managed to avoid your existence for 28 years..that rein has now come to an end.

  • Subtitles already? Should I really be reading this?
  • The words are going by too fast, can we slow it down?
  • Ugh. Never mind, it isn’t going to make a difference anyway.
  • I think I may need to brush up on my roman numerals a bit-IV is 4 right? that cant be right..this is the first one..
  • Darth Vader sounds like the guy that stands behind Helga from Hey Arnold that is always breathing heavy.
  • I need to know which came first, Princess Leia’s hair bun or Little Debbie’s Honey Bun. Either way..someone might have a lawsuit on their hands.
  • Speaking of Leia, did she just put a floppy disc in R2D2? Silly Android, at least my iPhone updates via Wifi.
  • It has taken me a good half hour to figure how this movie series works..I think I might have it. The first 3 are actually the middle 3, the middle 3 are actually the first 3 and the last 3(not released yet) actually are the last 3. Makes perfect sense. Geesh.
  • Matthew asked me if I wanted to watch them in chronological order from beginning to end because it would be easier to follow, and I told him no that I wanted to watch it in the order the world got to watch them. Surely I can get this plot down. I have a feeling I am going to be wrong, very wrong.
  • For a movie made in the 1940’s, the special effects are amazing 😉
  • Matthew just informed me that my last joke wasn’t very funny. Win some, lose some.
  • I really hope CP30 got insurance for R2D2, it is my understanding that the sand and desert wreck havoc on all electronic devices. Androids included.
  • Matthew, reading over my shoulder again, has just informed me that it is C3PO not CP30. This time, not a joke. oh well, I tried.
  • “Luke, I am your fathers, uncle’s, cousins former roommate!”  I really wish we were watching that movie instead.
  • When does Yoda show up?
  • Luke Skywalker’s Aunt Beru dresses like Mr. Furley from Three’s Company.
  • I wonder how easy their missions would have been if they had just used an anDROID phone as opposed to those metal robots..they can download the light-saber app in a matter of seconds, no “force” needed.
  • Matthew just informed me that Yoda is not in this movie. What Tom foolery is this? That is like going to a Beatles concert only to find that Ringo is the only member of the band that showed up.
  • Why does the name of every character or civilization sound like it requires a speech impediment to pronounce?
  • is this movie over yet?
  • C3P0 is like the robot version of Sheldon Cooper
  • So let met get this straight, the guys in the brown jackets and bright red eyes steal the droids, clean and fix them up, sell them to strangers for some type of profit and in the end the people who buy said droids may find them to be locked or loyal to their original owner rendering them useless. Where have I heard this before? Oh yes, anyone one who has ever bought a cellphone from Craigslist ever.
  • I know I keep making a lot of cell phone references, but cell phones I know…the inner workings of a galaxy in another dimension..not so much.
  • Chewbacca would make a great school mascot! “Now coming to the field the Minnesota Chewies!!!”
  • I am pretty sure Darth Vader would be a much happier person if he owned a cat or two, maybe took up knitting.
  • Obi Juan just said “The force can be a strong influence on the weak minded”—so can Twinkies and ho ho’s Obi Juan…so can can Twinkies and ho ho’s.
  • I wish someone would pay Matthew 17,000 dollars to fly to Alderon. For an extra 1000 dollars Mosby and I will dress up as Chewbacca and purr.
  • Note to self, I must carry around a large metal pipe in the event I get trapped in a larger than life trash compactor.
  • After asking several times, the movie is finally over. What have l learned? Yoda was not in this episode, Harrison Ford is finally funny in a movie, if you spell enough characters names wrong (C3PO and Obi-Wan Kenobi) your husband will eventually just leave you alone, and no matter how many times I try, making jokes referencing the similarities between droid robots and android phones will never be funny.

 

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