Welcome to the 12 weeks of Christmas.

Sat·ire
/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
Noun
The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of A play, novel, film, or other work that uses satire.

The following work of humor, irony, exaggeration and ridicule is dedicated to all those holidays forgotten or skipped over, you did not come and go in vain!

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  That’s right folks; it’s that time of the year! No, not a leap year! It’s Christmas, and I am here for the next 24 hours to bring you the one and the only master collection of Christmas’s best songs. You’ll have the oldies, the goodies, and the newbies. If it has an “ies” on the end, it’s here. Now you might ask why we are here, bringing you this tremendous offer. And if you’re not, then you should be! The answer is simple: we know how special Christmas music is to you and yours, so we took the liberty to compile all of your favorite hits on our not-so-digitally re-mastered CDs! No more being angry because the radio isn’t playing your favorite song. No more feeling depressed because you can’t find your favorite version of Silent Night. Now you can safely celebrate the holiday season. Tonight, you will be blessed with all 59 songs on 59 CDs!
Now I know what you’re saying, 59 of the best Christmas songs on 59 non re-mastered CDs! What’s the catch? Well there really is no catch. Just call our special non-toll-free number at 765-597-2574 and answer our short 100-question survey. Then, after you give us your social security number, credit card number, blood sample and sign over the life of your first child, your Christmas selections shall arrive by Easter. That’s right, Easter, so you can enjoy your Christmas songs from then until the New Year! Can’t you just imagine the sheer possibilities of being able to listen to Christmas music every day of the week? Some mistake it for being annoying and repetitive. However, I feel that Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer has a certain allure after hearing it 50 times in a row, don’t you?
So now you are probably asking what else is on these wonderful CDs. You already knew that Grandma and her killer reindeer are making an appearance, but what else? Great songs like Frosty the Snowman; who wouldn’t want to hear Frosty the Snowman? This child-stalking snowman sure has a way with the little kids! 12 different versions of the 12 Days of Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, and my personal favorite, Feliz Navidad! This song is for those of us who are overcome with boredom in all traditional Christmas songs. Who wants to sing holiday songs in their native language when there are hundreds of neglected languages that scream Christmas? I mean, personally, when I think of Christmas, I think Mexico. I also think of Germany! That’s right folks, we also have the German version of Feliz Navidad, Frohe Weihnachten. And lets not forget Russia, веселое рождество. Christmas just keeps getting better and better with every song and every country!
We here at Willing To Recommend CDs © know that you are buying this music so that you can hear your Christmas classics all year round, but we feel that you also need to sample the songs that will one day be classics. Songs that your kids and your kids’ kids (your grandchildren, for the not so bright) will be singing to you later in life while you sit and wish you were deaf. So for a price of $39.99, we will throw in Christmas from the Ranch, Neverland Ranch that is. Live from his recording studio, we have put together a compilation of Michael’s soon-to-be killer or should we say Thriller hits! On this CD hear Mike sing I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa’s Elf and Wako Jacko’s Coming to Town. If this doesn’t satisfy your Christmas itch, we also have, as an added bonus for $22.99, Kim Kardashians Blonde for the Holidays. On this 3-song CD, we hear Kim sing such songs as We Three Kings of Wal-Mart Are, and All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front…(well, we’ll just say this CD isn’t for the kids). And, finally, Frosty the Red Nosed Alligator is on it as well. I’ve heard that she wrote all the songs herself! She has a lot of talent.
Have we convinced you yet? I thought so! How could you deny this wonderful Christmas offer? Never before have these 59 songs ever been put on these 59 CDs for a price this wonderful: three easy payments of $59.99! And don’t forget the two extra CDs you are paying for. Which makes your Christmas total $ 242.95. But wait, we can’t forget the shipping. So that’s 59 cds plus the two others you bought which equals 61 cds and so that equals $61 in shipping, plus the toaster you get for ordering over the phone for $15 and the shipping for that which is 2, your new and final holiday cd collection total is $320.95. Wow, what a steal! I can already see your holiday season brightening after you get these CDs in five months. This is Willing To Recommend CDs © signing off saying, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad and watch out for those reindeer

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2 Comments

  1. Hi. Love how you threw wtr in there lol.
    I was born in Germany. But I’m half Mexican and Puerto Rican. Raised in central Texas.
    Deuces. 😷

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