PIMPING A NOT SO PLUMP PROFILE

 

Blogging 101 states that in order to pull people into your profile you need socialto have swanky & catchy titles of your blog posts! If the colorful alliteration of “pimping, plump, profile” does not work, then I have failed you as an armature/novice blogger!  Any who, the theme of today’s blog is nostalgia. Particularly the nostalgia I felt as I accidently stumbled across my old MySpace page (this is where the pimping a not so plump profile inspiration comes from 🙂 . You remember MySpace right?! In relation to the social media trend,  it was after Xanga and before Facebook. Myspace, like Facebook, allowed you to add friends, post “status’ like statements, upload pictures and write notes for others to see. While these characteristics seem very similar to the Facebook of today, there were a few  things i remember being a bit different.

tom_myspace1. No matter how low you were on the social totem pole, you ALWAYS had at least one friend, Tom!

2. You could use HTML codes to change the background of your page to code-HTML-conversion-code-XMLmimic your current mood. With the click of a save button you could have something romantic as falling hearts on a pink backdrop with what ever song  you and your crush danced to at your first homecoming, to a more subtle black background with flashing skull and bones playing the newest Avril song that your swear was written about your recent break up.

3 You can post these surveys on your about me so that ANYONE (even that creepy stalker guy down the road ) could know EVERYTHING about you, but were mainly there in hopes that your crush would read the about you section and realize that you have SOOO MUCH IN COMMON. I will note that I may have been guilty of changing the info on those surveys once or twice to fit the answers of the would be suitors answers. Yea..it never worked lol

Lessons Learned too Little too Late..

After revisiting MySpace after a long 4 year absence I learned a few things about my 20 year old self, some of which I wouldn’t exactly say I am thrilled about sharing! But at this point you either don’t care, or have already goggle searched the following terms: Jennifer Shidler+Myspace, Jennifer Kilburn+Myspace, Jennifer Kilburn Shidler+Myspace. (ill save you the time, MySpace screen name is iamthewalrus87, and no, I’m not kidding)

1. After 4 years I still have 192 friends (including the creepy papa johns guy that wrote his number on the back of my receipt after delivering the ever popular 3 am pizza) ..Yeah..I’m cool! Just like my Facebook page, more than 65% of these people (Tom included) are nothing more than aquatiances and people I met briefly in college. Delete them? Never! You never know when your going to need to know the name of that one nice dining hall lady that always gave me an extra cookie in the Blumberg dinning hall freshman year!

2.  The last post on my page was from over 3 years ago from a gentleman from my high school exclaiming that he just “bought me as his pet” and that if I clicked on his link I could figure out my worth. Why did we ever switch to Facebook?!

3. That filter one has when it comes to posting embarrassing pictures of yourself on your own social media sites apparently does not exist on Myspace, as proven by a few of the pictures I had managed to delete from every hard drive I ever owned, but still managed to think it was ok to post on the Myspace. (and again on here bahaha)

image The Future Mrs. Shidler 3

image4. I REALLY wanted people to know that I LOVE listening to music. Even I was like “Shut up already” while reading the about me section of my profile. Here are just a few quotes that were sprinkled through out..”In my spare time i LISTEN TO MUSIC..infact it dosnt have to even by my spare time, i listen to music no matter what im doing..whether its at the front desk of my dorm working, in the car driving, in the shower, walking to class, there is always music” “Someday I would like to meet Paul Mccartney” ….”MUSIC I LOVE MUSIC MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF…..MY IPOD MY FRIENDS CALL HER FIFI.. MUSICAL I LOVE MUSICALS PROLLY CAUSE I LIKE MUSIC…CAN I HAVE A SHOUT OUT FOR MOULIN ROUGE WEST SIDE STORY Fiddler on the roof AND RENT RENT RENT” My favorite (most annoying) example is to long to copy for it is longer then this actual blog post in its entirety so instead I shall show you with a snapshot of the screen. I pretty much pulled up my iPod and typed in EVERY name that appeared in the artist column. Yes, I give you permission to roll your eyes. I know i did. 

5.   That I attempted to be as funny and witty in my writing on my “blog posts” on Myspace as I do on bk_tendercrisp_01here. At one point I filled out a survey and had it posted on my about me section. One of the questions asked something as random as what was the last thing you ate, to which i replied “a tender crisp chicken sandwich  from Burger King” (freshman 15..try freshman, 15-30-45). A few sections later it was asking romance questions. To which i had no romance experience at this time proven by my answer.  The question was, Who was the last person you looked longingly at, with out missing a step I responded “Well that chicken sandwich I just ate was pretty sexy looking”…..The skinny angel on my shoulder is shaking its head right now, while the fat kid inside of me is half tempted to ask my husband if he knows when burger king closes tonight 🙂

6. I actually put my body description as brown hair, 5’6 and “more to love”….yep…totally didn’t seem myself regretting a statement like that four years ago. Ugh.

7. I filled out wayyyyyy to many of those surveys I mentioned in the first few sections of this blog. And after reading about 90% I’ve come to the conclusion that my answers were almost always catered to whoever I thought would be reading them. Make believe, fairy tales written just to trick convince the “crush” of the month (the word “crush” makes me cringe)  that we were so in tune with each others life, and then they would “know’ that we were in fact destined to be together forever, a MySpace match made in heaven..err..cyberspace.

Exhibit B. The survey question was “What was your favorite pet you’ve ever owned”

Jennifer Kilburn of 2007 answer was “ My favorite pet was my horse sparky, such a good soul and caring heart, I am going to miss him! <3”

There are sooooo many things wrong with this I do not even know where to begin. Not once in my 25 non-equine owning years of life have I EVER owned a horse, and definitely not one named Sparky. In fact, Sparky, If I remember correctly, was the nick name that the “cool” kids made up for me in 5th grade and tormented me with until the 10th grade when I gave them a box of candy bars to stop (yes..I was that kid in school..just briefly though 🙂 ).  And while being knighted with the nick name of Sparky is cool, I don’t think it qualifies me as a horse owner, just saying. 

Dear readers, it is my promise to you, that I, once and for all, complete a Myspace survey giving only true and honest information, a promise way over due! Before I begin, I would like to  have a quick moment of silent for all those make believe pet horses out there with good souls and caring hearts that left us way to soon, Sparky, this honest and true survey is for you buddy!….

The Truth Comes Out:

 

001. What is Your Name?

Jennifer Lynne (Kilburn) Shidler. AKA Sparky (5th Grade Meanies), Pumpkin Head (my mom), Tweety Bird (My Husband) Jenay (Co-workers) Shindler (people who can’t read) Boo (My favorite razorback)

002. How old are you?

24 Years, 11 months, 10 days. Or 9111 Days or

        • 787,190,400 seconds
        • 13,119,840 minutes
        • 218,664 hours
        • 1301 weeks (rounded down)

003. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace?

As of today and for 18$ a year, Jennifershidler.com

004. What is your height?

5’6ish, 5’7 if I’m wearing flipflops

005. Do you have any siblings?

A wonderful brother William and a beautiful sister in law Jonie!

siblings

006. What is your eye color?

Kinda Blues, brownish, greenish with some red streaks in it…

007. What is your hair color?

Brownish; same as my pet horse Sparky 😉

008. Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Sure do! Since fifth grade!

009. Are you right handed or left handed?

Righty tighty!

010. Do you have any piercings?

If your asking if I have paid someone to add extra holes on my body, the answer is yes. I have two ear piercings in each ear lobe, the top part of my right ear is pierced and my nose was at one point pierced.

011. Do you smoke?

I have unfortunately smoked before, but do i smoke now? Not in a million years would I smoke. I think anyone who is remotely close to my age should know better and should have never given themselves the opportunity to even start. We learn about tobacco addiction in kindergarten for red ribbon and every year after that. After all the facts and stories how could you start?

012. Do you swear?

I hate that I do 😦 It is disappointing

013. Do you get along with your parents?

What child does not fight with their parents? Mom and I always recover 🙂

mom2

014. Your heritage

No idea, honestly!

015. Your fears

Disappointing people, Cuban missal crisis, house fires, Elvis really being dead and not just hiding, not being able to take care/be there for my mom 1000 miles away, Paul McCartney dying before my concert, not being able to have kids, running out of kitty litter 🙂

016. Goal you would like to achieve this year

Paying off some more student loans!

017. Most overused phrase on an instant messenger

LOL

018. Best Physical Feature

My 3,000 dollar smile 🙂

braces

019. Your bedtime

Being that it is 4:04 A.M. and I’m only on question 19…probably 5:00 am 😉

020. What time do you arise in the morning?

being that I’m on the computer STILL at 5am..probably noon 🙂 Although Liz Lemmon said she would make sure i would wake up at 10ish..jokes on her 🙂

021. First thoughts waking up?

How many points do I have at work and why didn’t I go to bed earlier! and why is the cat where my pillow used to be?

022. Do you shower daily?

I have to, other wise I would never muster up the energy to make it to work and would have 1000 points 🙂

This Or That?

023. Bright or dark room?

Depends, but I like watching TV in a dark room, and I like sleeping in a dark room. I once put three boxes worth of tin foil on a dorm room window so I could sleep during the day! (I worked night shifts at the dorm desk)

024. Chocolate or vanilla?

Vanilla

025. Dogs of cats?

Do I really need to answer this question?!

cats

026. Pepsi or Coke?

Pepsi, no..Pepsi products..yes!

027. McDonalds or Burger King?

While a tender crisp sandwich is pretty sexy (if lost, this means you did not read the entire post, shame on you) My online banking statements over the last 6 years and my bathroom scale will probably tell you McDonalds.

028. Ant or Dec?

Huh?

029. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea?

neither..this Hoosier transplant in Texas does NOT like tea yucky

030. Cappuccino or Coffee?

Four years of College 8 semesters worth of finals and I STILL don’t like coffee or coffee flavored products, but if I to choose I’ll take a Venti coffee with a cup of 2% milk, hold the coffee!

In the last month have you…

031. Drank alcohol?

Yes, you can thank Liz Lemmon for the pain killer from Cheddars, and Amanda for the Pink Moscatto

032. Gone to a mall?

I can say I have been to two malls in the last 6 months. Temple Mall for the movie theater and Round Rock outlet..COACH!

033. Eaten a box of Oreos?

In its entirety buy myself, NO! With my husband on the couch watching movies in a two day span..maybeeee?

034. Eaten sushi?

Mouth is officially watering! anyone want to bring me a Tokyo roll?!

035. Been on stage?

Yes a few times! not a major stage or anything. I’ve spoke at my home church a few times and I was in a pagent when I was five.

036. Been dumped?

Can honestly say no to this one! I have had one official boyfriend, one official fiance and one very official husband!

037. Gone skinny dipping?

Yes….beginning to rethink my statement of complete honesty.

038. Stolen Anything?

Have you seen my salt and pepper collection?…Still rethinking my honesty statement lol

salt and pepper

Have you ever…

039. Laughed for no reason?

I use laughter to get out of tense situations…I find myself in a lot of tense situations…yes…

040. Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do?

Yes, in second grade I got caught by my teacher, who is like a part of my family to this day, locking all the stalls in the girls bathroom from the inside out. You can shake your head right now..I know I am.

041. Been in love?

Every day for the last four years!

IMG_0392

042. Fired a gun?

Yes, yes I have!

gun

043. Been drunk?

So I’ve been told

044. Been called a Tease?

funny, ham, turkey, sweet, loud but no tease!

045. Been beaten up?

Can’t say that I have

046. Shoplifted?

I vaguely remember taking a package of gum from the old grocery store in Rockville next to jacks and jacks. But that could have been a dream.

What was the last….

047. Furry thing you touched?

It’s a toss up between Rowdy and Mosby my cats, and the bag of apples that had put their green furry coat to stay warm in the fridge.Yuck.

048. Thing you’ve said?

Get off me. I was talking to the cats 😉

049. Song you’ve listened to?

The Boxer: Simon and Garfunkel ❤

050. (Who was the last) person you’ve spoken to on the phone?

My brother!

051. Movie you watched?

Matthew and I just went and saw Here Comes The Boom with Kevin James today!

052. Thing you were doing before this?

Trying to sleep, didn’t work!

053. Time you cried?

This evening! I miss my mommy!

054. Song you’ve sang?

The Boxer: Paul Simon!

055. Time you looked at the clock?

Now..very clever survey..very clever

056. Food and drink you’ve had?

Matthew and I snuck two bottles of pop and 4 boxes of candy into the movie theater! Only cost 5.00 🙂

057. Flavor of gum you’ve chewed?

Spearmint but it tasted like feet..

058. Shoes you’ve worn?

my black work shoes with the buckle on it that rattles like elf shoes when I walk

059. Store you’ve been in?

Dollar General purchasing my movie prohibited items at a discounted rate 🙂

Favorite…

060. Planet?

Yeah, I’m not going to get real philosophical on this answer. Earth. Duh.

061. Age you’ve been so far?

24! I’m like a fine wine..I get better with age! 🙂

062. Season?

Depends what state I’m living in..really missing beautiful fall in Indiana right now!

063. Number?

5..don’t know why. I Always pick 5

064. TV show?

It is a toss up between Roseanne and Scrubs. I have seen every episode like 10 times

065. Flower?

Any flower my husband gives 🙂

Random…

066. How much cash do you have on you?

None!

067. What’s a word that rhymes with ‘door’?

Floor

068. What T-Shirt are you wearing?

The Beatles Live at Shea Stadiium

069. What brand of shoes are you wearing?

Not wearing any shoes

070. What did your last text message say?

both of my phones are in another room, I’m lazy, but I’m pretty sure it was from Liz lemon saying that i should be watching my movie.

071. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Watching M*A*S*H with my husband

072. What’s your current desktop picture?

A collage of Matthews and I’s engagement pictures.

073. What’s a word that you say a lot?

iPhone

074. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

What kind of question is this? I’m not a crayon..lol…white lol

075. How is the weather right now?

um, its 4:41 am..its quiet and hot outside

076. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

body type

077. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Yes, it took me three weeks of jedi mind tricks to get Matthew to ask me out..it worked btw 🙂

078. Can you do a headstand (not using a wall)?

bahahahahahahahhahahahahahah

079. Who would you like to see right now?

My mommmmmmyyyyyyyyy

080. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Three until Matthew goes to work, then its 5..7 if you include two cats that think they are flurry pillows.

081. Would you go on a date with someone on MySpace?

Nope, I don’t think my husband would appreciate that very much.

082. How do you want to die?

Peacefully

083. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Stable 🙂

084. What country would you most like to visit?

England

085. How many CDs do you own?

6762 songs, 17.3 Days, 35.6 gb worth

086. How many things, in your past, do you regret?

Too many, biggest would be waiting till jr-high to take school seriously…would have made things a lot easier, and not being such a brat as a child.

087. Do you think you are attractive?

On a day to day basis, no mam, but I can be spiffy from time to time.

pretty 

088. Do you believe in yourself?

Takes a bit to get my mind to get in line, but I believe I can do anything if I realllly want it.

089. Do you want to get married?

I’ve toyed around with the idea.

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