Movies, we’ve been investing our time money and energy in to motion pictures forever. There is just something about checking out from reality, and for 13.00 a person, one can sit in a dark, cold theater for two hours, and have their world be transformed. You can be a drunk pirate on the high seas, a socially confused wizard off to a new school or a vampire looking for love in all the wrong places to (ugh). On a recent trip to the theater with my husband, I began to analyze my movie rituals that I have perfected over the last 24 years as we sat waiting for the previews to begin.
1. Movie theaters have perfected the art of sensory manipulation. Everything I go to the theater I tell myself “I’m gonna be strong today” no popcorn, your on a diet, it’s expensive, you never finish it and more ends up in the floor, down your shirt, than does in your mouth. Don’t fool yourself with they “oh Ill save it and take it home and eat it” lie. This best of intentions idea becomes a sad realization when you realize that a 15 dollar bucket of popcorn at home (withought Dolby digital sound) tastes like 5.00 card board and failure. (Must admit, works great for Christmas garland). Never the less, regardless of the pep talks I give myself, this is a lost battle before I walk in the door. Between the intoxicating smell of butter and salt, and the overwhelmingly convincing dancing popcorn man that screams “you need me” playing on every screen, I almost always give in. And while the gratification only lasts as long as the previews one feeling remains the same… when I’m in a theater and I have that big bucket of popcorn..I pretend my hand is the claw from toy story ..with every handful I hear the aliens in my head say “look, the clawwwwwwww”
2.I like to get to the theater early..seat selection is crucial. I like to sit in the first row..not down front first row but first row where it Inclines in front of the bars..I like to be able to recline my seat back and put my feet up on the bars without disrupting someone else’s movie experience. But please be warned, there are No guarantees on this rule. if my seat is not available..I shall remind you that its a jungle out there, and it is every man for himself..cause this girl cant sit still, and my feet have to roam..at least I get a pedicure at least once a month 🙂
3. If I miss as much as one movie trailer my whole movie experience is ruined..I might as well zone out from the beginning. I wouldn’t exactly say I go to the movies just to watch the trailers, but I like the comfort of knowing if my actual movie sucked..there is something “better” being released in summer of 2013 to take my mind off the 13.00 dollars i just wasted on whatever twilight movie my friends have talked me into.
4. Just cried a little bit when I saw the trailer for twilight finale..it is going to be epic…..and by epic i mean thank goodness i do not have to hear about this movie anymore..the end is nigh..prepare yourselves.
5. I hate it when people behind me put their feet up on my chair..don’t they know how rude that is! 🙂 (insert irony here)
6. Sometimes I wish my movie going experience would be more like English lit was in college. So what, the movies over, what’s ur rush to escape? Lets talk this out, who can name the protagonist, antagonist? What was the struggle, the climax, the resolution? What are some major themes you recognized? What was the writer “feeling” when he wrote this? Lets all have 10 points written and posted on blackboard by midnight mmmkay!
7. My life would be so much easier if they would post in the bottom right corner of the screen, the actors real name and any notable roles they may have played in the past. If the girl who played cashier #3 in The avengers movie was in an ad for Burger King in 1987 I want to know it without having to whip out my bright cell phone in the middle of a dark theater and “imdb’ing” it. (Don’t judge me, that’s totally a word, look here) Same thing goes for the music..who has time to watch the end credits, to figure this valuable information out, especially if we’re deep into our themes and messages discussion.. just saying.
8. Movie theaters are freezing! 2 tickets 1 large popcorn and 1 large drink is 30 dollars..either throw in a snuggie or make it easier to cuddle and maybe people wouldn’t be so “warm” about the prices.